


i hope my heart reaches you

by ginafics



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Everyone loves Lee Taeyong, Friendship, Gen, Implied Kunten, Implied Luren, Implied dojae, Lee Taeyong loves everyone, Lee Taeyong-centric, Platonic Relationships, That's it. That's the story., and there's also mention of alcohol, implied markhyuck, implied nomin, there's some cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-11 21:37:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15324861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginafics/pseuds/ginafics
Summary: Though love can be found in many forms and shapes, I hope my heart reaches you.





	i hope my heart reaches you

**Author's Note:**

> So hi... I know I haven't updated my Markhyuckhei, but I have this idea since Taeyong's birthday (which is like a month ago, i'm sorry) and I just want to finish this. I just realize how hard to write this kind of story, I almost give up. Key word: Almost. Welp, I hope you like this monstrosity that I called as a fic (this is literally the longest thing i've ever written, and i'm a little bit proud of it so I really hope you guys like it.)
> 
> Uh the story is not in chronological timeline, I hope it doesn't get confusing. And there's literally nothing in this story that actually happen in real life as long as I know, so don't come at me about this being too unrealistic. It IS unrealistic.
> 
> I'm sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language, and this is unbeta-ed. (Yes, I know I'm stronger than the marines)
> 
> The title is from Shine by Pentagon.

The first time he was offered the job, he had firmly declined. Lee Taeyong is many things but he knew he was not a leader, at least not at that time. He wasn't capable of doing such thing, he wasn't capable in carrying the truckload responsibilities of taking care of so many people on the top of worrying about his own career path; call him selfish, but he knew he would simply fuck it all up. Moreover, why go to him when they have Taeil hyung, who was clearly more qualified, more experienced than him? Why go to the fool and the fraud when they have a person like Seo Youngho on their team? Youngho who is much more dependable, who is already proven capable of being the pillar for their group, who is much more deserving than Taeyong himself as he had worked the hardest, had waited the longest, had fought, fought, _fought_ for years, and still he stands here being the actual embodiment of an angel for his dongsaengs. So, no, he had firmly declined the offer of being the leader of SM's new idol group, called Neo Culture Technology, who will start debuting in approximately two weeks after the offer. All the plans were already perfected, ready to be executed with NCT U's first single which will be released to the rest of the world as the start point. However, the members need a leader, a spoke person, they had said, someone who will be the face of NCT, just the perfect person to be the influencer. The Entertainment had chosen Taeyong as that person, whether the reason behind that decision was his visual or his capabilities, he might never know.

"No." he had said. He was just a fool. He was a young problematic teenager, and his group mates don't need that kind of person as a leader, don't need that kind of image to be thrown into the equations and the stress. They need someone better. They deserve someone better. They deserve more. He's scared, he's scared, he is just _so fucking scared_. Mounting fears and insecure thoughts upon busy practice schedules only brought too many pain in the end, resulting in bruised knuckles and indented wall, small cracks on friendships and a screaming match of _"You're being so fucking selfish, Lee Taeyong! Grow the fuck up and stop jeopardizing other people's dreams!"_

That night was filled with murmured apologies and repetitive attempts of fixing the dent in their friendship, promises of being a better and more capable person to lead the group were thrown and sealed with batman-printed band-aid upon cut knuckles. Two days later, Lee Taeyong was announced as NCT's new leader, a green sign for the plan to be in motion and a start of the roller coaster that is an idol life.

* * *

It is late and Taeil is so ready to crash into his bed after a long day of vocal exercises and cover after cover of songs with Doyoung, Jaehyun, and Donghyuck. It's just simply their way of practicing because singing lessons are always boring and he might kill someone if he needs to endure hours upon hours of Hyuck whining to his ears about how boring the lesson is. He was just going to the kitchen to take a glass of water with him, but instead, he stumbles upon Taeyong standing right there in front of the counter with an apron on and four plates of what looks like kimchi fried rice ready to be eaten.

"Taeyong?" his voice probably conveys all of his confusion because _for God's sake this is almost one in the morning, what are you doing cooking instead of resting?_ He almost scolds the younger for doing all of this, but the apologetic smile sent his way always manages to soften his gaze.

"I'm sorry, but, hyung, the four of you skipped dinner and I was just worried." There's a whine coloring the tone of his voice. "You can't sleep with your stomach empty, I have asked the other three to come here and eat. I swear I'm going to bed now if you swear to eat the meal." Taeyong grins. Taeil being Taeil has always had no power to refuse the younger's request, especially when he knows the effort and the intention he had put into his actions.

"Ugh, fine, but you have to go straight to bed." The smile Taeyong sends his way is blinding.

Taeil has never been a very outspoken person, everyone knows that, but not many understands how this fact has no correlation at all with his ability to love someone. People often think how love is at its strongest form when it is being thrown into the air, to be told, and to be confessed. Taeil doesn't believe that for even one second. He is not an outspoken person, often even seen as awkward, but he knows his affection has never missed its target. It is love in its simplest form, probably the purest form existed, unspoken and sincerely given. It never asks for anything and simply limitless. It's there in the tight grip on bony wrist whenever the older asks his leader to accompany him in buying ice cream on a hot summer day. It takes residence on the smile of encouragement he always sends before each and every performance. It is in the form of free access to his room at two in the morning whenever the younger needs an outlet or just a person who is willing to listen. It is supposed to be felt when the older suddenly can take his Leader to a peaceful stroll on the side of Han River for two hours. It is always subtle and sometimes goes unnoticed as it takes form in the offering of a simple warming pad on colder days. But it's there, it's always there, and it never asks for anything in return because his love for Lee Taeyong is just simply pure. He knows the extent of hard work the younger has put in managing 17 grown men under control. All the effort he had made, not only in helping others to grow, to be both a better idol and a better person, but also in helping himself to grow in becoming who he is right now, has never gone unnoticed. He notices the days where those eye bags seem so prominent, almost bluish under the younger eyes. He notices the days where Taeyong always stays put in the practice room, just for one more run, one more try, always one more time and one last time because it was just never enough. This is all he can do for his relentless leader, simple actions to convey both his gratitude and affection.

But this is Lee Taeyong, we are talking about, and hell would probably go cold before he stops paying back for all the love he had received. It's not that he keeps track of what other people do for him, but just because he is simply a small man with a really big heart stuffed into his chest. A big heart that contains more love than one should ever possess and he is more than ready to share them all with his group mate. Well, Moon Taeil is never an exception, especially when he is the only person older than Taeyong, beside Youngho. He often finds himself being spoiled by the younger, also in the most subtle way, like when he cooked his favorite dish for dinner without any announcement, or when he stayed behind to help Taeil with his dance moves, or just when he stayed past midnight to cook four plates of kimchi fried rice just because. Yes, Taeyong is perceptive like that, that's how Taeil knows he has grown into the title which was forced onto his name. He is no longer the teenager who is scared of leading other people; he is no longer the young child who wanted to run away from his past. He has vowed to be the best leader he could be for the team, and he did it. He owned up to his mistakes and built his own image by being possibly the most hardworking person on the team. He stopped trying to find someone better for the title and trying to become that someone, instead. Taeil was finally taken out of his reverie when the other three members in question stumble sleepily into the kitchen, but ready to inhale the food served. He smiles to himself once again; maybe the next time he pulls the younger for an ice cream run, he will buy Taeyong two ice creams instead of one.

* * *

It was very late at night, and Mark is still with Taeyong on the recording studio, trying to find out what was wrong in their recording because all of it sounds exactly as they had planned, but it doesn't sound right at all. They had been writing lyrics upon lyrics, trying to change notes and adding so many improvisations, but nothing sounds right, and Mark is just a breath away from giving up. Right at that second, Taeyong's fingers slot home at Mark's dark hair, ruffling it gently.

"Let's take a break, we have been thinking for 4 hours, I think my brain is fried." Taeyong is always like that, Mark thinks, he knows what to do on any occasion, but he never gives up. He knows when to call for a break, he knows when they need to slow down and take a breath, but he never knows how to stop.

 _"Never quit."_ He once had said to Mark in a very early morning conversation. He was very upset that day, everything was just seemed to be against him and he was so stressed because he almost slipped on a live show that day. On top of everything, Donghyuck decided to be a little shit on a very wrong timing, and Mark just couldn't handle anything else being thrown his way, so he simply locked himself in his room. He didn't quite care about the state of his so-called roommate who couldn't get in into their room. Donghyuck has a room at the Dreamies dorm anyway, he can sleep there. The sudden soft knock on his room startled him, but he kept his silence. Maybe if the person thought he was already asleep, then they would ignore the big elephant in the room. Maybe Mark could run from being a failure for one more day. But Taeyong is always persistent, and that's what he did that day, being persistent. In the end, Mark fell for the gentle knock and the promise of a glass of warm milk, letting Taeyong in, which might be the best decision he had ever made in his life after moving back to Korea.

Taeyong sat on the bed beside Mark, pulling the younger closer and letting him melt into the provided comfort and warmth. The first 20 minutes was completely silent, but then something wet drops on Taeyong's shoulder, making the leader wrapped the smaller boy in between his arm. Words of comfort were murmured and gentle hair strokes were given. That night Mark had sobbed in the arms of his hyung, apologizing for almost making a mistake on stage, for almost forgetting the lyrics on stage, for not improving on practices, for being a burden, and letting the other know how hard he was considering to just get out and leave because _God, everything had just been so awful and I just couldn't take this anymore, hyung._ That night, the leader had held the smaller boy who was breaking into pieces tighter than the rest of the hug they had shared before. Taeyong had gently told Mark the hardship he had faced until he could stand right there, right on the top of the food chain. Taeyong told him how to conquer these hardships. He wanted Mark to know that this path of career is never easy, and all he can do is to do his best, to train harder, to be stronger, to find the fun in chasing his dream. However, the most important thing that he needed to do is to never quit. Be persistent.

"Let the world knew how much you wanted to be here and how hard you had worked for it, because if some random boy like me can make it, then you, Mark Lee, will also make it." He had said it with so much conviction that night, Mark couldn't help but believe in his words. Since that night, Mark had looked up to Taeyong. He thinks that when he grew up, he would want to be someone like his hyung, someone who knows what the people who surround him needed. Mark grins to himself when an idea passes through his brain.

"What?" Taeyong asks worriedly.

"I have an idea, just one more idea, if this doesn't work then we're getting a break." Mark pleads as his hyung simply rolls his eyes.

"Fine. But if this works, we're getting a holiday tomorrow, and you have to accompany me watching Howl's Moving Castle."

"Deal" Mark grins. The next night, Doyoung can't help but smile when he found the both of them under blankets on the sofa, peacefully asleep with a rerun of Studio Ghibli's Animations being played softly on the TV. Johnny ends up carrying them to their room as Doyoung doesn't have the heart to wake them up.

* * *

Gathering day has always been a normal recurrence for the 18 of them. Something that has always been long awaited, especially after a long period of promotions, as it is a day where they can just let go and once again be the teenagers that they are. They tend to gather in one of the dorms for the whole day and just simply do anything and everything they want. One simple day where they can just go outside and play football if they want to, a day where the TV is always on either with a rerun of some not yet watched anime series or some nonstop video games. They are currently having so much fun in the lucky three's dorm, as their dorm is the coziest to have a sleepover like this. The Dreamies are currently playing tag with Lucas, Ten, and Kun, busily running around the perimeter of the dorm while giggling and screaming loudly. Sicheng is busy chatting with Jungwoo, Doyoung, and Taeil hyung as Jaehyun and Johnny indulge themselves with cooking dinner for the rest of them. There's Avenger currently playing on the TV with low volume, plugged in just because it was strange to have the TV off even though no one is actually watching the movie. Yuta decides to sit beside Taeyong, who is currently trying to fight the heaviness of sleep from his eyes. After some futile attempts to keep his eyes open, Yuta finally takes pity of the older man. The Chain promotions must have taken a toll on his leader if he can't stay awake at 4.30 in the afternoon. His hand finds a home in Taeyong's shoulder, a gentle touch that still manages to surprise the smaller boy, making him flinch before realizing it's just Yuta.

"Tae, go to your room and get some rest. I'll wake you up when dinner is ready, okay?" Yuta says gently to not draw attention from the animatedly chatting quartet. But, just as expected, Taeyong shakes his head in denial.

"It's okay, I'm not that tired." Yuta can only scoff in the blatant display of lie.

"Honey, you can't even open your eyes properly, just take a nap, stop overworking your body." but Taeyong is stubborn, and this time his decision to not move from his position seems absolute.

"But it's gathering day, Yuta…" Yuta sighs heavily at the whine on his voice. This is a battle he can't win.

"Okay, fine. Come here." He motions Taeyong to come closer and pats his lap for the other to lie his head down. Taeyong doesn't need to be told twice, which makes Yuta both grins and concerns because it is just a very Taeyong thing to do, but he also only does it when he's not feeling well. His Taeyong is many things, and being cuddly is also his thing, but he rarely lets himself being coddled by others. There is always hesitation coloring his movement, and questions were always thrown from his tongue to demand certainty because he doesn't want to seem clingy or to burden the other person, so when he lets you coddle him without a single are you sure? Then you know he is not okay. It is somehow a way of letting the other know, a subtle way of showing _hey, I might not be able to do this any longer without breaking, please hold me together, just a little bit tighter, a little bit closer, just a minute longer until I am sure I would not break down on my own._ Yuta has been friends with Taeyong for long enough to be able to read the signs. The sign which usually can only be read by Jaehyun or Johnny because Taeyong doesn't exactly capable of letting everyone to become a privy in his life, of course, it's never intentional. And Yuta doesn't mind because people have their own way of coping, and if Taeyong needs a long time to open himself then he's sure the rest of them will wait for him, even if it's forever. Taeyong is just lovely like that.

"You're still experiencing the migraines?" Yuta asks. A sleepy nod from the younger draws an unpleased sound from him. "Lie on your side." Yuta orders which earn him an unamused stare.

"I am okay…" Taeyong says, but Yuta is not having any of it. This is the least he can do for the now brown-haired man, and he really, really wants to do this. Maybe Taeyong sees it in his eyes, or maybe it's just his usual superpower of knowing what each of the member needs, but Yuta can see the split second of understanding masked as defeat in his eyes before he lies on his side, back facing Yuta. Yuta almost can't hold back the laugh that emerges from somewhere deep within him, no matter what he wants to do, in the end, it's Taeyong who is doing him a favor instead of the other way around. It tastes a little bit bitter on his tongue, the way Taeyong keeps paying back all the kindness he wants to do for the older guy, but Yuta knows this will not be a short journey, so he just smiles and proceeds to massage Taeyong's neck and shoulder, occasionally going to his scalp and gently applies pressure on the area of his temple. The usually strong looking boy is now dozing off peacefully on his lap, his body going lax and pliant all at once. He lets Taeyong sleep for much longer than he had intended, courtesy of Lucas who managed to crash the cooking session in the kitchen and making it 30 minutes longer than it should be. Yuta has also been a friend of Lucas for a very long time. Yuta, too, knows how to read the Chinese boy's sign, especially when he is not exactly subtle. He grins to the big guy when he comes out of the kitchen, looking sheepish. _Let him sleep for five more minutes,_ the sign had said.

* * *

Jisung hates Taeyong. Of course not in every sense of the word, but sometimes Jisung hates Taeyong. Jisung completely respects the 7 years older man; let's face it; who wouldn't, right? Taeyong is both a good leader and a good hyung, he does a very good job in doing his responsibilities, he also works very hard for everyone around him, but most of all he is a force to be reckoned with on stage. You can't just go to Taeyong to have a simple chat before or after a show, you have to earn his attention one way or another. Well, at least that's how the media presents his image to the rest of the world, a strong leader who exudes a very intimidating aura, when in real life his hyung is just a simple dork who is so stressed about everything he shuts every other thing outside his bubble. Taeyong always seems to carry the heavy load of Korea's music industry on his shoulders, and Jisung can't help but admires the man because never has he heard a single complaint from the older man's mouth. But having respect doesn't mean he likes the guy. It's just sometimes Jisung feels suffocated with all the affection Taeyong has been giving him. Taeyong is a mother hen, not only an overbearing mother hen but also a fucking talented one. Growing up with that, Jisung never minds affections, especially when he's the maknae of the group. Jisung gets it really, he's the youngest of them all, and they are entitled to feel protective over him, but Jisung is also an actual 16 years old who is quite capable in living in the career he has chosen for himself. Over the years, the loving actions he received had started to taste sour instead of sweet, and sometimes he just wants it to stop. Sometimes he wants Taeyong hyung to stop pulling him into sitting on his lap, sometimes he wants Taeyong hyung to start talking to him like he's actually talking to a human being not a three years old baby, and maybe it's too much because, for God's sake, he is just a 16 years old teenager, but sometimes –most of the times, Jisung just wants Taeyong hyung to regard him as an equal; an actual capable performer instead of a child who was thrown into the idol life, because believe it or not, he chose this path. Thus, in between neatly folded laundry that Jisung always found on the edge of his bed every three days and the frequently sent well-cooked food from the 127 dorm, Jisung has grown to dislike Taeyong a little bit.

Life has been hectic with all the preparation for NCT 2018 debut and also the Dream promotion in between. Before he knows it, Jisung already has to go to LA, and at first, it was exhilarating. This is his first variety show, a variety show where he only has to do what he's best at. This is his first time going somewhere alone, moreover to a faraway country, such as LA. This is his first time meeting people –very famous and talented people- on his own. It's his chance to widen _his_ connection. It was exhilarating, a strange combination of fear and excitement, which make his stomach flutter and his tongue numb with a tangible taste of nervousness. But Jisung is ready to try something he has never even think about before, to have that little taste of freedom of independence, and to challenge himself –to prove himself that he is indeed only 16, but he is very much capable. It turns out harder than it seems. That taste of freedom which still lingers on Jisung's mind shatters to dust on the first day they start filming. Jisung hates the camera in every corner of the room he's in, he hates that he needs to go everywhere with a random cameraman he never gets to know further because they change every day, he hates how he needs to think of what to say every single time he wants to open his mouth, he hates every time they need to take another shot because of his mistakes, he hates when the joke is just not funny enough they need to repeat, when it's inappropriate so they need to retake, he hates how even when it's too funny they can't stop laughing, they still need to retake the shoot because apparently they're being too extra, he hates that his English is not good enough to maintain a conversation with stranger in the time of need, he hates that he feels small in this big country, he hates it, _he hates all of it_. Yet if you know Jisung just a little bit, then you know that he's not a quitter. He has a lot of fight inside his lean body, years and years of training had shaped him to be a young adult that he is now, a fighter, a survivor, someone who you will meet at the end of the line. And so he swallowed his bitterness and barge in with a force, he focuses on the things that he loves and trying to be better in the things he's lacking. He loves dancing, he likes the way his opinion is heard especially his input on the choreography, he likes the way his seniors trying to make him feel comfortable in the big city or cheering him up for no apparent reason –he misses Korea. He misses his dorm. He misses a lot of things. They know. Jisung knows they know- he likes how fascinating LA is. Jisung focuses on the things that he likes, on the things that he misses, on the things he will get back to in a few more weeks. So he takes all of the challenges with a stride and puts up his professional front until his time in LA is finished.

The first thing he does when he's back at his own dorm is to yell as loud as he can from the front door, announcing his presence to his hyungs wherever they are at 7 p.m. in the evening when they have no schedule for the weekend.

"I AM HOME!" and, God, does that feel liberating. The first head that pops out from the kitchen entrance is Jaemin hyung's, the blooming grin on the boy's face makes Jisung can't hold his own grin.

"JISUNG-AH!" what follows next is a series of his name being yelled out loud and a few painful grunts because they all tackle him in a group hug. After another series of _we missed you so much, how was LA, how was Taemin sunbae_ (courtesy of Donghyuck of course), _how are you, and you've done so well Jisungie_ later, they finally decide to conduct a surprise gathering day at the 127 dorm. _It's your first day coming back Jisungie, of course, we need a gathering day!_ Jaemin had insisted, ever the dramatic one, also followed by Donghyuck who feigned innocent by playing the guilt card of _And the hyungs must have missed you too!_ when Jisung knows he is just craving for Taeyong hyung's food. Jisung can't argue with that logic though, he misses Taeyong hyung's food too –he misses Taeyong hyung. Period. That's why five minutes later, they are face to face with Johnny hyung who looks so confused over the Dreamies unannounced visit until he locks eyes with Jisung who smiles sheepishly at the very back. The way his hyung's face lits up like Christmas just comes early this year would probably never leave Jisung's memory. He had missed this. He misses his second home. He misses his second family. Huh. Suddenly he is questioning why he had grown to dislike them at one point in his life when apparently he can't live without them for too long. _Stupid 16 years old angsty brain_.

That night is spent with exciting stories and lame jokes being thrown over food and the gentle lull of some TV shows playing without anyone watching. Boisterous laugh and gentle smiles are displayed throughout the night, creating a warm atmosphere they rarely get on gathering day because everyone is just simply too tired to speak or even to open their eyes. Today is different, today is filled with warm food and warm hugs and warm conversation, a small welcome home party that makes Jisung felt as a part of something. That night no one feels compelled to go back to their dorm, opting simply to just sleep in the vicinity of something warm and soft –Taeyong hyung tries his hardest to make everyone feel comfortable, forcing people to relocate to the bedrooms and share it with others, which makes Jisung smiles. He is still an overbearing mother hen. Everyone knows they will be alright even though they opt to sleep on the floor, a small pain in the back is okay especially when they have a free weekend, but Taeyong is Taeyong, so they obey. After Hyuck and Mark hyung finally move to Mark's room together –Jisung is not even surprised anymore with those two-- Taeyong hyung finally plops on the sofa next to Jisung with an exhausted sigh. The TV is still playing some anime about some guy named Todoroki which Jisung could honestly care less, so instead, he chooses to look at his hyung who has his head perched on the back of the sofa, eyes closed but not asleep. He suddenly opens his eyes and looks at Jisung. Jisung doesn't say anything, he doesn't stop staring either. He knows this is the part where Taeyong hyung use his superpower to read what the other member needs and Jisung lets him. After a few pauses, he finally smiles gently and pats his lap, a sign for Jisung to come closer if he wants. Jisung does what he asks, plopping his head on the elder's lap and letting him play with his blond hair. They are silent as Taeyong goes back to close his eyes.

"Hyung…" Jisung starts out of nowhere, drawing a gentle hum from the older. "I'm sorry." Jisung finally continues softly after a long contemplation. That draws a reaction from the man though. He looks down at the younger, eyes wide with surprise, searching for something unknown in the depth of the blond boy's eyes. Jisung blushes, he can feel the heat emanating from his cheeks. Should he elaborate? But Taeyong beats him to the question.

"Why are you apologizing, Jisung-ah? You've done nothing wrong?" Huh, apparently Jisung can hide his emotions better than he thinks.

"Uh…" Jisung stammers, of course, he stammers, he can't just blurt that he ever disliked the man who went out of his way to always take care of him. "You know…" He finally settles with a very soft response, pleading for his hyung to just read his mind like he always read everyone's mind in the group. To his surprise, Taeyong chuckles softly. God damn it, of course, Taeyong hyung knows. He's Taeyong.

"I know…" he answers with a soft smile, looking at Jisung fondly. "It's okay, Jisung-ah, you don't have to apologize for hating me." Jisung chokes on nothing at that. The hand, which still plays with his hair, stops for a few beats before resuming its gentle stroke.

"I'm not _–I don't hate you_." Jisung manages to blurt after he regains his breathing. "I just… disliked you… for a little while…" his voice gets softer with every syllable he utters. "I'm sorry, I sound very ungrateful." Jisung closes his eyes tightly when he feels his cheeks bloom once again.

"Jisung-ah," Taeyong's serious tone forced him to look back at the older man. "You're just being a normal 16 years old teenager. I am sorry I can be insensitive about the length of affection which I displayed." He says seriously, which only makes Jisung shakes his head in negation.

"Don't stop. I have been deprived of it." he pouts. Taeyong grins at him.

"You, brat, are going to give me a whiplash, seriously. One day you left me without saying a goodbye to some big country I can't reach, leaving me behind to worry about what I have done, and now when I knew what's wrong you asked me to keep doing what I have been doing. Stop pouting. I'm mad. You're not going to get my food in your dorm for a month." Taeyong has said sternly, but there's a lilt of playfulness under all the glare.

"Hyung...." Jisung whines, sending him his biggest puppy eyes to deter the man's decision. Taeyong only lasts for 40 seconds.

"Ugh, fine, a week then." Taeyong rolls his eyes, making Jisung grins. "But seriously, Jisung-ah, if you're feeling uncomfortable you can always tell me, I can tone it down a notch or two, okay?" Jisung is once again being left awestruck with the human species that is Lee Taeyong. His hyung really does have a heart the size of a football field or something, too much love to keep for himself only. He knows this is how he shares that excess of love. He knows that this is how he copes in this ugly, cutthroat industry, this is the little bit of string that he is hanging on to keep his sanity in check. He cares for other people to cope, knowing that he can be useful to his member is his only way of coping. And he cares for them so much, he cares for him _so much_ that he agrees to lose a little bit of that control in lieu of Jisung's happiness. Jisung really doesn't deserve him.

"Don't. It's just a phase of me being an angsty teenager, hyung. Please forget about it." Jisung is adamant about his decision. Taeyong finally gives him a nod after a few moments of silence. He smiles and moves to lie down on his side, face mushed on his hyung's lean stomach, long thin arms circling around the petite waist of the older man, squeezing his hyung in a tight hug. He can feel the warmth of Taeyong's smile even though he can't see it. That night Jisung gets everything he ever wants when they are whispering about upcoming schedules, about Jisung's position in their debut song, about how thankful Taeyong is that Jisung comes back in one piece, about taking care of each other and of themselves because they both forget about it sometimes, about LA and about Seoul, but most importantly about how the older is so so very proud of the things the younger has achieved so far and will continue to achieve because they are all still growing, so don't ever be satisfied with the now and about how the younger's silent wish for all the good things to come to the elder's way because he deserves it so very _very_ much.

* * *

Taeyong hates this. He really _really_ hates whatever is going on right now. But Taeyong has responsibilities as a leader, and one of those responsibilities is to make sure the member gets what they need, so no matter how much he hates being a leader right now he's not going to be a coward and call off the practice to end, not when they are still not in the shape in which they need to be -they're SM's idol group and SM will only give the audience the best and most synchronized group. It's three weeks before their big debut, everything that they had been promoting up until now is only to pave way for this debut; NCT 2018 in all of their glory, the project of the year, which has to be perfected in three weeks, and they haven't passed SM's group standard to debut. But Taeyong could care less about them being in a good shape. He knows how capable this group can be, he is not going to doubt the talent of these people. Taeyong can beat them into shape in a week for all he cares. What he cares the most right now, the thing that makes him hate being a leader, and the thing that forbids him from calling the practice off is the sheer frustration on Jaemin's face. He hates it so much. He hates their choreography, he hates the people who agreed on letting Mark standing on Jaemin's back, he hates the cringe in Mark's face every time he has to get up, he hates Jaemin's laboured breathing, he hates how the Dreamies have started giving him pleading eyes since an hour ago, he hates how he knows they need to stop practicing so hard because there's someone with a fucking herniated disk in his spinal cord whose back has to fucking support the weight of a full grown man every time he says _again, from the top!_ , but most of all he hates how he can't stop because he has a responsibility to Jaemin as a leader and stopping is not what Jaemin needs right now.

Taeyong has lost count to how many times they had actually been practicing the dance routine, but every time they finished, _every single time_ , he would glance at Jaemin in the mirror and Jaemin would look back at him with a plea in his eyes. _One more time, please hyung_ . And so, Taeyong swallows the bile rising to his mouth and start criticizing the mistakes before running over the routine once again. This time is not any different, he glances at Jaemin with his utmost concern on display, raising an eyebrow in question. He waits until Jaemin can steady his labor breathing at least for a little bit, and almost yells in happiness when he finally sees the corner of dongsaeng's mouth lifting in a small smile, when Jaemin finally catches his gaze on the mirror his eyes scream everything that Taeyong needs to know. _One more time. One last time._ Once he's back into reality, he can see how tired and frustrated the other members are though, and so he called for a 10 minutes break before they'll once again dance to the same song for the nth times. He doesn't point out any mistake this time, there is still time for improvement.

"Take a ten, guys, we'll continue after that!" Taeyong's voice rings loudly in between tired chatters and slouched shoulders. The rest of the Dreamies don't waste any time to make a beeline for Taeyong, face tired but there's a serious plea in their eyes.

"Hyung please, we have been practicing for 8 hours straight." Unsurprisingly it's Jeno who speaks with the most urgency.

"We know we're not perfect yet, but Hyung, please understand. Jaemin…" Renjun continues before stopping out of nowhere.

"Hyung please, I can't stand on Jaemin's back any longer, please I'm so scared every time… what if… what if I lose my footing and… hyung, please, there's still tomorrow." Mark looks so close to tears and for fuck's sake, Taeyong really hates his job sometimes.

"Look, I know you're all worried, but we can't stop now. We are very far from our own standard, I can't stop now." the guilt churns Taeyong's stomach in a very ugly way. He can't tell them, Jaemin wouldn't want them to know, wouldn't want any of their pity. There's a reason he doesn't stop, Taeyong believes that one of them is because he doesn't want them to pity him. Any of them. Taeyong can see the pleas Jeno's eyes turn to raging fire, he is ready to fight, and Taeyong is so damn grateful that Jaemin has Jeno in his life. Jaemin has the Dreamies to back him up, not only as another member of the same group but as friends he can cherish and will cherish him for life. Taeyong understands how they had waited so _so_ patiently for Jaemin to come back, but Jaemin just wants them to wait a little bit more because he needs to prove that he can do this again, that he is capable of coming back as Na Jaemin, the idol everyone loves and cherishes, and he needs to prove that to himself. He has been doing that for the past 8 hours, he just needs his friends to wait a little bit more. Taeyong hates the past 8 hours with his entire existence, but if this is what Jaemin needs to move forward –moving forward from the memory of laying around doing nothing in hospital, from worrying whether he will ever get another chance to chase the dream he so desperately wants, from nights of crying because he feels like everything is slipping right through his fingers and he can't do anything about it- then Taeyong will help him with his entire being. He trusts Jaemin. And his trust has won, they will only need to do this one last time. Taeyong watches with regretful eyes when they all get back to the corner where Jaemin sits, chugging water out of his bottle. He watches when Jeno kicks the wall in frustration and how Mark and Jaemin try to calm the black haired boy.

"You know what? I am so sick of this." the loud and clear voice rings, effectively bringing silence upon the room. _Doyoung_. Ah, shit.

"Doyoung…" Ten warns softly.

"No, Ten. I'm not gonna stay silent anymore. Hyung, don't you think this is too much? We have been practicing since 11 a.m. and it's almost 7 in the evening, it's 8 hours hyung, 8 hours without any break except for lunch! We haven't even had dinner yet." Taeyong hates confrontation, but Taeyong hates confrontation with Doyoung more than anything. There's a reason why they are the Tom and Jerry of the group.

"Doyoung, we're not where I want us to be yet," Taeyong says, maybe a little bit clipped and curt, but honestly he is also as frustrated as they are, and he can't do anything about it. Taeyong can see the exact second Doyoung's eyes filled with anger.

"Well, news flash Mr. Perfectionist, maybe you forget that not all of us were you. So think about that before you start spewing thing about perfection when you fully know that we still have three more weeks to make this perfect!" He yells as he comes closer to Taeyong, meeting him in the eye. Taeyong sometimes hates Doyoung. He loves Doyoung with all of his heart because he's one of the few people who can ground Taeyong to reality, he also helps Taeyong immensely with all the nagging he has been doing. But Doyoung knows Taeyong, Doyoung knows all the cracks and the weaknesses and the insecurities, Doyoung knows where to jab, Doyoung knows where it hurts the most. This is easy, Doyoung has used something harsher than a perfectionist.

"I don't see you complaining when we were practicing 12 hours a day for Cherry Bomb. Stop being lazy, Doyoung, we're going to do this again." Okay, even Taeyong knows that is a low blow. No one in his group is lazy, they would be out before they can even start spelling lazy. The glare he's receiving is scary.

"Taeyongie… you know, Dons is right, this is too much…" Yuta soft voice saying from some corner Taeyong is not facing. _He knows, okay. He doesn't need everyone to rub that in his face._

"Lee Taeyong, I'm saying this one more time. This is enough. We don't have Jaemin in Cherry Bomb, there's no reason to stop practicing. We have Jaemin now, the kid had a fucking herniated disk on his fucking spinal cord, you asshole. I am not gonna stay to watch another rendition of Mark stepping on Jaemin's back today." Doyoung explodes and walks away to the door. He is being halted from going outside by Taeyong's voice.

"Doyoung, don't. Don't do this."

"What's stopping me, hyung?" the challenge on his voice makes Taeyong wants to hold him in a chokehold. Renjun-esque headlock. Taeyong closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before looking straight at Doyoung.

"Doyoung, I swear to God, if you step out of this room you don't need to come back to the dorm tonight. We're going to practice this song with or without you, just know that if you step out of this room, I'm banning you from the dorm." _I'm sorry, God, I'm sorry._

"Tae…" Johnny's voice is right behind him, he can feel the outstretched hand, asking for permission to touch the smaller man.

"No," Taeyong says vehemently. "We're going through this one more time. I don't fucking care about what you're thinking or what you're gonna do after this, but we're doing this for the last time. Doyoung, hurry up with the decision and close the fucking door." Taeyong doesn't even spare any glance to the man on the door, he knows he can't. What he did is something he won't ever be proud of for 100 lifetimes. Doyoung closes the door and goes to him, eyes cold and closed off. The whisper he heard next pierce through his heart like metal shrapnel.

"I thought you're better than this, hyung. Power abuse, huh, you just set your new record of low, Mr. Leader."

They did it. They did Black on Black for the last time. Lungs greedily gulping air right after the song ended, no one talks, tired and disappointed faces can be seen throughout the room. Taeyong stays true to his words, he faces the wall and meticulously starts his after practice routine of chugging his water and towel drying his sweat-drenched hair. No one talks to him. Youngho, Yuta, Jaehyun, and Ten spare him a concern glance which he doesn't acknowledge. He is not proud of himself today. He hates it. He hates this. He hates himself a little bit more today. After a few deep breaths, he finally slings his bag on his shoulder and stands up, eyes circling around the room until he finally stops at a figure on the floor. Hair still wet and chest still rapidly moving to catch the air his lungs needed. The grimace in his face is the only thing that shakes Taeyong out of his self-hatred stupor. He runs to Jaemin's side and kneels before him, trying to check what's wrong.

"Jaemin-ah, you okay?" Jaemin looks up when he recognizes the usual gentle voice Taeyong always uses, now filled with concern and fear. Jaemin smiles.

"Yeah, I'm okay, it just hurts to move." Jaemin can see the relief flood Taeyong's face in a second.

"I'll help you walk, okay?" Jaemin just nods as his hyung slings his hand on his shoulder, one lean arm holds his waist tightly, supporting half of his weight as they stand up and start walking towards the dorm. "Jaemin-ah…" Taeyong starts in the middle of their walk. "You've reached your goal, right? You've proven that to yourself, right?" Jaemin smiles a little bit sad.

"I have. Thank you, hyung." Jaemin is left speechless when he sees that Taeyong can still grin at him genuinely after everything that happened today. "I'm sorry, hyung. I'm sorry for being such a nuisance. You keep doing that for me, even though you know you have to fight Doyoung hyung."

"Shhh, Jaemin, listen to me, you are not a nuisance. You need it for yourself, and I am very proud of you for knowing what you want, what you need to move on, and for fighting to get what you need. Don't worry about what happened between Doyoung and me, hyung will fix it before our next practice schedule." Jaemin smiles once again, genuinely happy this time. When they arrived at the Dreamies' dorm, Taeyong goes straight to Jaemin's room, startling Jeno who looks like he has been caught pacing back and forth in their room out of concern. The relief in his face when he sees Jaemin is short lived as the concern comes back full force when he sees the way Jaemin is almost fully leaning on Taeyong hyung. After a few silent beats, Jeno moves quickly to help Jaemin gets into bed on his stomach. He runs out, leaving Taeyong to undress the younger from his newly worn clothes. Jeno comes back with a pain spray and some types of oil, Taeyong guessing to be used to massage Jaemin's back. Taeyong stays in the Dreamies dorm for hours that night. Meticulously massaging Jaemin's back, even until the boy is fast asleep. Taeyong warns Jeno to make Jaemin rest tomorrow as he is canceling practice schedule for two days. He also raids their refrigerator to cook some decent dinner after all their hard work in practice, he won't let them binge eating ramen because Donghyuck is too tired to cook. The dinner is silent and awkward, Taeyong doesn't blame them. He can't blame anyone but himself, he's the leader, he should be able to think of a better solution instead of doing whatever he did in practice.

That night he comes back to a dark dorm. Taeyong doesn't care. Taeyong doesn't want to care anymore, not tonight. He slips into his room without a sound. Maybe it's because he has finally reached his own private enclosing in the dorm, or maybe it's the way Youngho is stretched on Taeyong's bed playing some game on his phone, maybe it's the way Youngho's tired eyes still fighting to open to wait for Taeyong with concern deeply engraved in between his eyebrows, maybe it's as simple as the way Youngho looks at him right now – _are you okay?_ , but whatever it is, it causes tears to brim in Taeyong's eyes, finally spilled as Youngho opens his arm for Taeyong to fall into. Being encased in warmth like this, tight arms circling around his body, and soft voices murmured to lessen the sobs coming from him, make Taeyong can't help but to associate Youngho with his safe harbor. Somewhere he can hold on to when the anchor of his life seems diluted. And he thanks whoever responsible for the existence of Seo Youngho every day because somehow he managed to have him in his life, because somehow he is capable to call the older man as his. And maybe tomorrow he will try his hardest to apologize to Doyoung, maybe tomorrow he will have to apologize to everyone, especially the Dreamies, but tonight, he will let himself bask in the warmth that Youngho provides.

"It's all for Jaemin, isn't it?" And again Taeyong doesn't know how Youngho knows, but he's thankful for he doesn't need to fight anyone or to explain anything anymore. He's tired, God, he's so tired, and so he only nods, face still hidden in the crook of the taller man's neck.

"He's okay now?" Taeyong manages to give another nod.

"Good." he can hear the smile in Youngho's voice. "Don't worry about Doyoung, he'll come around. Don't hate yourself, they know you were bluffing. Sleep now, Tae, you've done a good job today." with that he lets himself to drift into sleep, trusting Youngho to hold him together in one piece until morning.

* * *

Doyoung finds himself walking towards the kitchen the next morning. It's 8 a.m. and he doubts whether Taeyong has already woken up, but if he has then he must be in the kitchen, preparing breakfast or something like that because he's Taeyong. No one is awoken yet, of course, he has read the group chat this morning about how the practice is canceled for two days. He also has read Jaemin's messages to him, about how Taeyong hyung only did what he did because of Jaemin, and therefore he shouldn't be mad at their leader any longer because he's only doing what he needed to do, what Jaemin needed him to do. And just as predicted, of course, Taeyong is up and about, slaving himself to cook some breakfast in the kitchen at 8 in the morning. Doyoung doesn't bother to keep his silent while entering the beast's premises, he knows they need to confront the big elephant in the room as soon as possible. What he doesn't expect is the way Taeyong jumps when he hears approaching footsteps, then manages to run and hide behind the kitchen counter, vanishing out of Doyoung's range vision with a small yelp, except for some tuft of light brown locks that peek out of the counter. Doyoung chuckles softly at that, taking in the sight in front of him. There's a stack of pancakes –he is not sure, but Doyoung's guess there must be at least a dozen of them-- on the table, some more half cooked pancakes on the pan with the stove still on, and then there's a plate of banana pancakes in a separated plate in the middle of the counter, accompanied with a glass of what Doyoung is guessing as orange juice because Taeyong hates when Doyoung drinks coffee in the morning. A small green post-it note is attached to the glass. Doyoung gets closer and reads the note closely.

_I'm sorry, Doie :(_

_-Yongie_ _♡_

Yes, it's fully written with a sad face and a small heart, with all the small nicknames that always gets Doyoung soft. Taeyong is really out here to kill him. _Ugh, fine._

"Hyung, you do know that I can see you from here right?" Doyoung asks exasperatedly. "Stop hiding, you're gonna burn all the pancakes." Taeyong jumps out of his hiding spot at that with wide eyes and runs to turn the stove off. Doyoung once again can't hold the chuckles in. He swears to God, Taeyong is a 12 years old boy trapped in a body double his age. Then the said man turns to look at him with a sheepish expression, a spatula in one hand and a red apron adorning his body. Doyoung then gets his chance to examines his hyung closer, there's a heavy tinge of tiredness clinging into the sharp edge and soft slope of his face, the corners of his eyes were a little bit red –Doyoung would say lack of sleep, but the swollen bags under his eyes tell him otherwise, the older must have cried himself to sleep last night. With the chapped almost colorless lips completing the looks, Doyoung can say he looks like death. He hates it. _Tsk_. The impatient click of his tongue can be heard loudly in the silent kitchen. Doyoung walks closer to Taeyong, quickly engulfing the smaller guy in his embrace.

"I'm sorry for last night, Jaemin explained everything. I should have known you're doing it for him." He says softly while muttering brat under his breath, cursing the teenage boy for his antics. "Thank you for the breakfast. I'm not mad, okay, stop blaming yourself. I know even if I walked out of the room, you won't ever lock me out of the dorm. I am sorry for my harsh words, you're the best leader we could have ever asked for, hyung." Doyoung can feel the hands around his waist tighten considerably.

"I'm sorry, I should have been able to handle the situation better, Doie…" Doyoung strains to hear the words that are mumbled to his shoulder. He pets Taeyong's hair while scolding the older guy.

"Shut up, we're both stressed out with the situation. I understand. Now, go back to finishing that pancakes while I eat mine so that I can steal some more before the rest wake up." he can feel Taeyong slaps his arms in a scolding manner, but the hidden smile he feels in his shoulder tells him they're in good term.

"It's three weeks before debut, you only got five stacks, no more," Taeyong says to him sternly as he goes back to finishing his half-cooked pancakes. Doyoung only grins as he eats his breakfast, in the end managing to steal another two without putting a lot of fight just because he knows Taeyong loves them all too much to refuse.

* * *

Taeyong doesn't quite know what to do when Renjun, out of everyone, barges into his room, face pale and a heavy concern etched on his forehead, but the intrusion makes him worried especially when Renjun can't calm himself enough to talk.

"Renjun, what's wrong?" he asks as he gets up from his designated place on Youngho's empty bed. Johnny was still out to stock their groceries.

"Ten hyung…" the panic expression and the urgency in Renjun's voice alert Taeyong more than ever. "Please just come with me, I'll explain on the way, hyung." he pleas. With that, Taeyong starts following Renjun, trying to keep up with his fast pace, which is surprisingly hard to follow even though the boy is small. "We were just in the practice room, I was lazing around, drawing things, while Ten hyung starts practicing for his solo part, right? It was all okay, even though he was a little bit off beat, which is strange for Ten hyung and I should have paid more attention, but then he just suddenly collapsed and passed out on the floor. I can't carry him back alone to the dorm, so I called you. I'm sorry, I panicked." Renjun has started explaining at a very quick pace his words jumbled sometimes, but Taeyong gets the gist and now there's worry over taking his brain. When the both of them reach the room, Ten was only half conscious, but it's enough for him to walk with two boys supporting his weight. Taeyong curses loudly when he realizes how high Ten's temperature is. The idiot really forces himself to practice with a high fever, for fuck's sake, and they say he's Mr. Perfectionist. Only when they finally manage to tuck the small man in his bed, under his blankets, only then Taeyong lets himself breathe in relief.

"Renjun, please call Kun and Lucas here?" Taeyong really loves the perceptive boy because he doesn't even look confused for a second. He just nods with certainty, and Taeyong knows that's because the boy _knows_.

The sudden whimper coming from the bed shakes him out of his stupor.

"Ten? Tennie…" he kneels beside the bed, watching the petite man with concern as he strokes the brown hair out of his face. The way Ten leans to his touch makes him smile.

"Hyung?"

"Yes… You idiot, you make Renjun ran from the practice room to my dorm in panic. Ten, what are you even doing practicing with a high fever like that?" Taeyong can't help but scold his friend because seriously what he did was simply idiotic.

"I have to, it's not good at all."

"Tennie, your health always comes first, okay? Don't forget that. We still have 2 more weeks to practice, you'll manage to be amazing as always." Ten pouts at him, there's guilt swimming in his eyes.

"I'm sorry…"

"It's okay, just don't pull anything like this ever again, okay?" Taeyong grins mischievously after that. "I've called Kun to make sure you won't do anything stupid again." Ten gasps at him, there's both dagger in his eyes and a plea for Taeyong to not let the man scolds him. Taeyong only laughs as he helps Ten to get up and swallow some paracetamol for his fever.

"You're mean, hyung." Ten pouts once again.

"I am. Now get some sleep, while I prepare some food, okay? Don't worry about Kun, the man is head over heels for you."

"Thank you, hyung, for taking care of me." Taeyong smiles.

"Apologize to Renjun, you kinda gave him a small heart attack earlier."  Ten only nods before drifting back to his dreamland.

When Kun and Lucas finally reach the room, Ten is fast asleep, buried under the blanket. Taeyong smiles without hesitation, wanting to release them from their worries.

"He's okay. He's just being an idiot trying to practice with a high fever. I'll leave the scolding to you, Kun. The fever hasn't gone down, but I've forced some paracetamol down his throat, we'll tell the manager if the fever hasn't gone down by tomorrow." Kun smiles at him and Taeyong can see the gratitude in his eyes. Taeyong only smiles back before dragging Lucas out of the room.

"Hyung?!" there's a surprised tone in his voice, which makes Taeyong grins when they stop in the Dreamies kitchen.

"There's a recipe that I want to try, Lucas. I'm going to need your help in tasting the food."

"Why me?!" Taeyong rolls his eyes exasperatedly.

"Because you're Thai, now shut up and help me cook." Taeyong spends his afternoon trying to cook some unknown food he doesn't know how it's supposed to taste with a giant baby by his side. Lucas helps him prepare the ingredients while Taeyong focuses on the cooking part.

"Hyung…" Lucas starts softly, there's hesitation coloring his voice. Taeyong knows they're not close. Of course, NCT is a big group with 18 members, and even though they had known each other for roughly years from since they're trainees, Taeyong still can't manage to equally be close to everyone. Especially to the Lucky Three who has their own dorm and all, Taeyong can only say they are friends. Taeyong is closer to Lucas and Jungwoo since they debuted together, but lately, he rarely sees the both of them except when they're having a gathering day. He had missed this, a casual interaction between them. He wants Lucas to stop being hesitant to talk to him.

"Hmm?" Taeyong hums to answer the younger. There's silence following his answer until Lucas suddenly blurts his question.

"Is it true that you have superpowers?" Taeyong gives him a double take before laughing his ass off because what? Taeyong tries to stop laughing as he witnesses the redness bloom in Lucas' neck and cheeks.

"Who even said that, Lucas?" Taeyong asks still giggling occasionally.

"Jisung!" he exclaims excitedly, eyes glinting under the light which makes him looks younger than he's supposed to be. "...and Mark." he continues with a tinge of embarrassment, which makes Taeyong grins.

"Huh? Well, I don't know what kind of superpower that you're talking about, but if you suddenly see me flying, then don't be surprised." Lucas pouts, God, he really is a giant baby.

"I don't mean it like that, Mark said something about you always knowing what the members need, and how he always looks up so much to you. He said it's a superpower that only you have." Taeyong is stunned with this piece of information. Not in a million years he would have thought Mark and Jisung would say something like that about him. If he's not cooking, he might just run and lock himself in his room before screaming his feelings out because why is his chest suddenly feels constricted. And maybe his eyes are a little bit watery and his teeth can't contain the grin on his lips any longer, but who cares, right?

"I don't think that's superpower, Yukhei. I just have been around for so long that I can read them like an open book, maybe I can read you like an open book too." he smiles softly. Lucas looks at him in wonder.

"Really?"

"Maybe…" he grins. "So… how's Mark?" Lucas chokes on air at the question, neck and cheeks once again blooming in red.

"S-shouldn't I be asking you that, you're closer to him than I am," Lucas says as he looks at his hyung in confusion before the realization dawns onto his brain. "Ah, if you're thinking about that, don't worry Mark is just… a really good friend."

"I know," Taeyong grins at Lucas, "that's just me trying to rile you up. The real question is… how's Renjun?" the way Lucas stiffens at Taeyong's question makes the older certain that his question has hit something close. It's always subtle, but Taeyong can see the adoration in Lucas' eyes every time the big guy is looking at Renjun on gathering day. At first, he almost mistook it for a simple admiration because it's Yukhei, and Yukhei always looks at everyone with so much adoration –Mark, Donghyuck, Jungwoo, Kun, even Doyoung-- but then as time flew by Taeyong can sense a tinge of sadness in those eyes. Maybe it's never his business in the first place, but he's not Taeyong if he doesn't keep a tab on the progress of his members' conflicts. And besides, Taeyong always hates to see the big puppy Lucas being sad. Those big round eyes were made to be filled with childlike wonder and twinkling delights.

"Renjun is… Renjun, I guess." Lucas says after a much-needed contemplation –maybe to decide whether Taeyong needs to know or not. "Small, terrifying, full of sass… beautiful?" the last word is spoken with so much hesitation it sounds like a question. Taeyong smiles softly as he busily stirring his boiling food.

"Beautiful?" he asks softly and watches Lucas nods from his peripheral vision.

"And also head over heels for Jaemin." once again Taeyong hates seeing the big puppy Lucas being sad. Taeyong only smiles as he motions the younger to taste his food, he needs to lean down so much he almost bows to reach the spoon in Taeyong's hand because the older doesn't want to raise his hand to reach Lucas' mouth. The way Lucas' eyes widen and instantly filled with wonder when he looks back at his hyung makes Taeyong grins.

"Hyung! It tastes like my mother's cooking! How?" Taeyong shrugs.

"Ten's mom sent the recipe to me."

"Wow, Mark is right, you do have superpowers! I wish I live in your dorm so I could taste your cooking every day." Lucas' voice is heavily tinged with awe, to which Taeyong can only grin once again, reaching to pet Lucas' head as he is still in his almost bowing position and looks at him straight in the eyes.

"Now, listen to me. I know this is not my business, but I just want you to know that you're wrong. Renjun and Jaemin? Not gonna happen. And he's not whipped over Jaemin either. I'm not saying that you should go get your man or anything because again it's never my business, but that's exactly what I'm saying." Taeyong winks at Lucas in mischief before preparing a bowl of his food for Ten.

"How do you know?"

"Here, bring this to Ten. Don't forget to knock, if you don't want to witness any unholy activities. And I have superpower, remember? Trust me, I know." Taeyong grins at a confused Lucas, putting the small bowl on his hands and pushes his broad shoulder out of the kitchen before adding another comment just to make Lucas' day because he can. "Oh, and he doesn't just sit on anyone's lap without giving a headlock, so consider yourself lucky!" Taeyong gives another grin at the way Lucas' cheeks redden, and also another wink at a panic Renjun who was apparently perched on the couch, and now is completely red in the face. Taeyong can't wait to go back and tell Doyoung how he just lost a bet.

* * *

Donghyuck heaves a great sigh as he finally reaches his own dorm after spending two stressful and emotional days in the Dreamies dorm. He's drained mentally and he's in dire need to recharge his happy energy before his only free week will go to waste just because he can't spend it right. The Dream Concert had taken a toll on everyone, him included, but well there are other people who needed his attention first before he can tend to his own indulgence. So now that the crisis had been averted, he really wishes he can start enjoying his free schedule for the week. He saunters inside the 127 dorm at 7 in the morning, thinking that everyone is probably still asleep as usual, only to find Taeyong and Johnny hyung up and about while being a disgusting domestic couple first thing in the morning. The taller man is perched on the couch, eyes glued on the morning news (like who even watch the morning news at 7 a.m. anymore? You'll think that he's some married man who wakes up too early on a Sunday morning or something) with a mug, which Hyuck guesses is filled with coffee because Taeyong can't stop him from his daily intake of caffeine, in his hands. Surprisingly –or not, really. Seriously this is not surprising at all- Taeyong hyung is also there, watching the same morning news with his head on Johnny's lap, a trace of smile still can be seen on the corners of his lips. _See? Disgusting domestic couple!_

"Mom, Dad, I'm home!" Donghyuck decides to call them out because who are we kidding anyway, NCT is a big family with Taeyong and Johnny as their parents. The glare that he receives only helps his giggles to increase before he rolls his eyes. "Stop being domestic and make a space for me."

"What did you just say?" Johnny asks him with an innocent smile on his face. Ugh, fine.

"Stop being domestic and make a space for me, hyung!" he resorts to whining because he's tired and he seriously is not in the mood for some scolding. He needs to be smothered in affection. Stat. Thank God, Taeyong takes pity on him and laughs as he moves away and sits on the other corner of the couch, making a space for Donghyuck in the middle of the couple. Donghyuck grins. "Thank you! But seriously though, you guys are so domestic, I feel like I'm intruding a morning of some old married couple."

"Good morning to you too, Hyuck. You look tired." Johnny smiles as he opens his arm for Hyuck to snuggle inside. He doesn't need to be told twice.

"Ugh, that concert is taking a toll on everybody. I spent two days – _two days, hyung!_ \- to take care of Jeno because he somehow had the time to blame himself for slipping in a very slippery stage while it was raining. Like, we all know the boy is talented as fuck—"

"Language!" Taeyong chides before pouting when Hyuck just rolls his eyes.

"—fine , like we know the boy is talented as heck, and that it's not his fault if his ass decided to love the floor more than his shoes. He's still one of our lead dancers, how he managed to see that as a standard for his capabilities is beyond me!" Hyuck finally finishes the long rant that has been bottled up inside him for two long days of constantly ensuring a certain black haired boy with the most charming eye smile in their group that his talents shouldn't be measured by a slippery stage. He hears Johnny sighs above him.

"You know how Jeno is, Hyuck. It's okay though, as long as he understands now that nothing in that concert invalidates his being as an idol." Donghyuck wiggles his body to move away from Johnny's hug and ends up snuggling to Taeyong.

"What's this?" He can hear the smile in Taeyong's voice. Taeyong knows what he wants, he's very sure of that. It's just a habit of him. He usually goes for Johnny if he needs his daily intake of affection or cuddle, but sometimes when it's not as easy as being cuddled for his problems to go away, when he needs more than being smothered in affection, he goes to Taeyong. Taeyong always knows what they all need, and Donghyuck always trusts Taeyong to take care of him at his time of need.

"Hyung, please say that you're free today…" he pleads.

"You traitor." Hyuck looks at Johnny hyung to find him pouting, "You always go to Taeyong when you need advice."

"What can I say, your advice sucks, hyung," Hyuck says while shrugging his shoulder, making Taeyong laughs out loud.

"You brat, don't come to me when Mark rejects your hugs again," Johnny says seriously which makes Hyuck pouts because it will happen for sure, and Hyuck hates it when it happens.

"Don't mind him, he'll go back crawling for your hugs tomorrow, as if Youngho can live without smothering his favorite dongsaeng with hugs," Taeyong says as he slaps Johnny's arm playfully, which is answered with a wide grin from the taller man. "Now, I'm free for the day, so tell me what do you need."

"Go out with me today!" Hyuck answers with a pout. "Please? I'm so drained, I need a recharge." The grin Taeyong sends his way fills him with warmth. Like he had said, he trusts Taeyong hyung with his well being.

The day is spent outside, and they don't go really far, opting to let their feet take them around the neighborhood instead of asking their managers for some means of transportation. And it feels really great because finally the sun shines brightly over their area, and being out and about in the open air really feels liberating. Both agreeing to spend their day binge eating foods they don't get to eat every day and to just enjoy the day without actually planning on what to do. Their breakfast is filled with (strangely) curry rice. Taeyong is having some craving for heavy breakfast, and who is Donghyuck to deny his hyung a morning plate of delight. They also find some couple of shops which sell some really good secondhand clothes. They spend their morning getting in and out of shops while playfully dressing each other in the most ridiculous style they can find --not that it works because apparently, Taeyong hyung looks really good in everything he tries, even in a short dress, but at least Donghyuck has proofs of Taeyong in a dress. They also end up buying many good and cheap things, ranging from hats to shirts to pants, even Donghyuck find a really cute sweater that's just a little bit bigger than his size. The older treats his dongsaeng for ice cream in the afternoon, as he always does whenever they are having their little trip. Now perched in front of a convenience store for a break after a tiring day of walking around the neighborhood, Taeyong starts his routine of keeping his silence until Hyuck starts spilling his problems. However, the buzz of his phone breaks their comfortable silence. Taeyong only checks his phone for a second before smiling back up at Hyuck.

"Your boyfriend is worried." Taeyong teases, to which Hyuck only rolls his eyes.

" _Not_ my boyfriend."

"What? He hasn't confessed until now?" the genuine surprise in his hyung's voice makes him chuckles.

"He's Mark hyung, only God knows when his awkward ass will confess to me. Even better, if he will actually confess."

"Damn, the boy's game is weak."

"Not everyone is Johnny hyung, I guess." this time Donghyuck takes his chance to tease the older. "How did that even happen, anyway? I swear we were all betting for Jaehyun hyung to make a move and then the next second, bam! You're Johnny's." the blush that creeps to the elder's cheeks makes Donghyuck smiles.

"Jaehyun is just my best friend. I guess Johnny has just always been there from the very start, and somewhere around this journey I fell for him, hard."

"You mean you're whipped." Hyuck snickers at the glare that is sent his way. "That's okay, I guess. I think I'm also whipped for the guy who has always been there for me, but you didn't hear that from me."

"Don't worry, the boy is head over heels for you." Taeyong smiles which then continued by a comfortable silence between both guys. Donghyuck doesn't really have a problem to share with Taeyong hyung this day. He's just tired, and the day has made him really really happy and relaxed. So he lets the silence continues.

"Donghyuck?" Taeyong suddenly calls his name, to which he hums softly in response. "Thank you." Well, that part is surprising. He looks at his hyung in confusion.

"Why are you thanking me, hyung?"

"You know, just because…" the older guy trails off.

"Just because?"

"You know… for looking out for the others, for taking care of them. You keep ensuring their happiness and I am so very grateful to you for making that happened. You whine and you rant after, but you just keep doing that, even unintentionally sometimes. Thank you." Donghyuck smiles at that.

"They're my friends, hyung, and even though I sometimes act like they're a burden, they are never a burden. I don't know how to be you who understand their needs and are always ready to fulfill them without a second thought, so I do what I can do. Sometimes they just need a friend or a pair of ear who is willing to listen to them. I love them, hyung, just as much as you love them, so there's no need for any thank you." Donghyuck smiles sincerely which elicits a genuine grin from the older man.

"Are you ready to go home?" the younger nods enthusiastically. The walk home was filled with lame jokes from Donghyuck and a very giggly Taeyong –Hyuck thinks the older is in a sugar rush but said man denies. Once they have reached the dorm, Hyuck stops Taeyong before he can open the door.

"Hyung, thank you for today, really. The ice cream, the clothes, the time you spare…" Taeyong smiles.

"No problem, but could I ask you for a favor?" the younger only raises his eyebrow because Taeyong hyung rarely asks for any favor. "Spend the day with me tomorrow?" that only makes his eyebrows raise higher.

"Uh? I'm scared, where are we going?"

"Just… I have been writing a song, and I really really want to start recording the song, you know just for myself, but I need someone to sing it. Would you help me? Please…" Hyuck's eyes widen when the older starts using his cute voice and puppy eyes, besides he's very confused because Taeyong usually asks for Doyoung or Jaehyun hyung to sing for his songs.

"Uhh, I mean okay, I guess? What happens with Jaehyun hyung or Doyoung hyung?" Taeyong laughs at that.

"I think your voice fits this song better than them, and, _uhh_ , I heard Doyoung is currently embracing his bunny inner self and Jaehyun is very willing to help, so yeah, I don't think hoarse voice will fit my song." with that Taeyong leaves Donghyuck alone and confuse in front of their dorm. That is until the realization sets in.

"TAEYONG HYUNG! I really don't need to hear that in my life, _ew_?!" Hyuck finally runs inside to catch his hyung. Sometimes Donghyuck really really hates being the youngest in this unit.

* * *

“Hyung, have you seen Jungwoo hyung?”

“No, but he’s probably in the dorm."

Taeyong heard it one day at an impromptu bonding at lunch hour. He had thought nothing of it. A few weeks later he heard another question about Jungwoo, which met another dismissal that he’s probably in the dorm. And then the history keeps repeating itself until the realization hits Taeyong a little too late. Lately, he rarely sees the soft guy and everyone just keeps saying how he is always in the dorm nonchalantly, and at first Taeyong might think it’s harmless, but the alarm blares in his brain when it’s Doyoung specifically who asks about Jungwoo’s whereabouts. He’s the last one who is supposed to know about it. Taeyong is not sure about what kind of problems that Jungwoo is having, but he is sure as hell isolating oneself is never the correct answer.

When he hears a knock on the door of his dorm, Jungwoo has never imagined to see Lee Taeyong out of all people on the other side of the door. Well, perhaps he really is fucked. He can't help but to raise his eyebrow when he sees the bottle of wine on his leader right hand and a couple of small wine glass on his left. His hyung only grins as he barges inside without being invited. 

"You're alone?" Taeyong asks as he puts the bottle and glasses on the kitchen counter, with back still facing Jungwoo.

"You'll be surprised at how empty this dorm can be nowadays." Jungwoo says off-handedly, maybe he is little bit bitter with the situation, but mostly because it's the sad truth. Taeyong just hums knowingly. Perhaps Lucas is not high on crack when he says Taeyong hyung has superpowers. "Am I in trouble?" Jungwoo can't help but ask as Taeyong is just silently stare at him from his place on the kitchen counter, seated nicely beside the glasses. Taeyong hyung might be the softest leader you could have ever found, but the man can be quite terrifying when he wants to, especially when those dark orbs are looking at you as if they can read your bare soul, just like what he's doing right now.

"You might be, but I'm not Doyoung, aren't I?" Taeyong smiles. Okay, true. If he had opened his door to Doyoung hyung, he'll be dead. "You've been ghosting on everyone." the older continues nonchalantly. As if the last few weeks when Jungwoo has decided to stay on his dorm was just a normal thing.

"You brought wine to my dorm." Jungwoo decides to play along, which oddly makes Taeyong smiles.

"Want to share with me? It's Rosé." Well, a glass or two won't hurt, right? Jungwoo accepts the drink.

"So what's it all about? You ghosting on everyone and whatnot?" Taeyong asks as they're both finally chilling on the couch, glasses of wine quickly being emptied and refilled.

"I don't know, I've been feeling greedy as of late, I feel bad to hang out with you guys." Jungwoo pauses to take a deep breath. Things has been suck and he can't even explain why. "Don't worry though, hyung. I'm still practicing diligently." he smiles, but even he can taste the bitterness he's exuding, or maybe it's just the wine aftertaste.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I came here to learn to be a performer, didn't I? And i am so fucking grateful that they decided to debut me in this group. It's just... I missed performing so badly." Jungwoo swears he doesn't mean to be a crybaby, he has swore to be a stronger person, but the tears brimmed and spilled anyway.

"Oh Jungwoo..." Jungwoo hates the pity he hears in Taeyong's voice, but Taeyong hyung puts down his glass and scoots closer to wrap Jungwoo in an embrace. And for a second Jungwoo can't help but to feel like a kid once again. The embrace is warm, he feels as if being shielded from everything that might hurt him. He breaks down eventually, and it's okay, these arms feel nice, safe, these arms won't judge him if he cries. It's okay.

"I'm fighting everyday, learning to better, to sing clearer, to dance sharper, but, hyung, I don't have any goal beside to improve myself. I miss my home, and even though I'm not doing anything important here, I still can't go home. It's always dance cover after dance cover, song cover after song cover, and then getting back to an empty dorm. It's hard because I keep losing my goal within each week, and my brain is the verge of giving up to come up with another excuse on why I should stay. To debut, to be big, to be known more than just the softest member of NCT, to bring smile to other people, and so on, and so on. I'm currently trying to make myself believe that if I practice hard enough I'll get back to that stage. I just want to perform again." Jungwoo spills everything that has been clogging his airways for the past few weeks. "And then I just felt bad because I'm being so greedy. There are so many people who would be grateful just to debut, and here I am wanting more and more and more. I'm sorry."

"No, don't apologize." Taeyong says firmly, as he rubs Jungwoo's back gently, letting the younger to cry his heart out on Taeyong's chest. "Jungwoo, I promise you, you'll be back on that stage one day. Hold on to your current reason on staying, hold on just a little bit longer, I promise you'll perform again." Jungwoo can't stop hiccuping but Taeyong knows he can hear him clear enough. " And if you ever need someone to remind you why you have to stay, I'm here. Doyoung is here. Kun and Lucas too. I'm sorry they're so busy nowadays, but I swear if you'd tell them, they'll hear you. Don't isolate yourself, you'll just be putting yourself in an endless circle of negativity if you do that."

"Thank you, hyung." Jungwoo doesn't know whether Taeyong says all of this thing out of pity or obligation because he's their leader, but Jungwoo is thankful. He's thankful because for a moment, he doesn't feel as lonely anymore, because for some hours the broken white walls feel a little less suffocating, because for some crucial moments Taeyong hyung makes him feels as if he has enough strength to wake up and pull through practice tomorrow. It doesn't matter what will happen in the future, whether the older can own up to his words or not, it doesn't matter as long as he can pull through another day of practice. Tonight, he will let himself be shielded and protected from his own feelings by Taeyong hyung.

A few months after that, Jungwoo learns that there's a reason why Taeyong is a great leader, but has always been a better friend. The passion he has is always real, not only to the group, but also to each individual he has adopted as his new family. That evening, once again he opens his dorm's door to the older, now panting as if he has been running in a hurry but with a very big grin slapped onto his face. He hands a very confused Jungwoo an official looking paper when he finally catches his breath.

"I did it. I get the approval." He says in between big gulp of air. Jungwoo raises his brows in confusion at the state his leader is in. "Read it. We'll start practicing next week." Jungwoo's eyes widen as he stares at the bold words on the to of the paper. He can't stop the grin that is spreading on his face. This is real. He looks back at his hyung for confirmation. The pure happiness he sees in Taeyong's face makes him wants to cry. The older is literally here, running from God knows where only to deliver a piece of news to Jungwoo when he can just say it over text, and now he has the audacity to looks so happy and glowing - _God, his eyes actually sparkles_ \- in Jungwoo's behalf. Lee Taeyong is one amazing human being.

"I told you, I promised you'll be back on that stage."

**NCT U x Celeb Five (Johnny Seo, Lee Taeyong, Nakamoto Yuta, Kim Doyoung, Kim Jungwoo, Lee Haechan)**

**APPROVED.**

* * *

Taeyong was surprised when he opens the dark practice room to the sound of sobs and sniffles, as long as he knows he's the only one who has the permission to use this practice room tonight. Imagine how shock he is to find it's one of his youngest members when he turns the light on.

"Chenle?!" Taeyong can't help but to panic a little because let's be real, it's Zhong Chenle and no one has ever seen him cry, Jisung maybe but no one else has. When the boy lifts his face up, Taeyong heart breaks over the wetness and pain that is coloring his small face. He can't help when his motherly instinct kicks in, absolutely forgetting about his scheduled practice. He quickly squats down in front of the blond boy. "Chenle, what's wrong?" But Chenle doesn't say anything, which definitely makes Taeyong even more worried, especially when the tears keeps spilling from the brown orbs. "Chenle, you need to tell hyung what's wrong so that hyung can fix it." Taeyong says softly. Taeyong gets confused when Chenle points to his neck before shaking his head in negation, his mouth is opened but there's no sound coming out. His eyes widen when it finally hits him. "You lost your voice?" Chenle looks relieved while nodding, and then the younger points at his left shoe. Taeyong raises his brow before gently opening the running shoe, repeating the process with Chenle's sock. The gasp echoes sharply in the room, the younger's ankle is sprained, not too badly, but it's swollen and almost purple now. Poor thing, he must have bare with the pain since God knows when.

"Since when were you here?" Chenle thinks a little before lifting four fingers. "Four?! Chenle it's seven now, where is your phone? Why haven't you told anyone? What if I didn't come, oh my God?" Taeyong can't help but letting his concern takes over. Chenle rolls his eyes, which makes Taeyong sighs in relief because the boy's sass is still on that means he's okay, and takes Taeyong's phone from his hand, forcing the older to unlock it for him before typing rapidly on his notes.

_I left my phone at the dorm :( I was practicing and then I fell, then this happened. Hyung, it hurts :(( I lost my voice since two days ago, and now this, hyung the dream has a show in two weeks! :(_

Taeyong sighs before turning around, back facing Chenle while he's still in squatting position. "Come on, get onto my back." He can feel Chenle gingerly, carefully getting on his back and wrapping his arm in front of Taeyong's chest to secure his position. Taeyong's hands automatically grip the younger's thigh to support his weight before standing up. "Ready?" He walks out once he feels the gentle nod on his shoulder. Taeyong piggybacks Chenle to 127 Dorm because he can feel the slight grumble from the younger's stomach, and all he needs to soothe the blond boy is inside his dorm. When they're finally settled in the kitchen counter, Taeyong gets straightly to work. Serving a plate full of food for the younger, getting an ice pack to compress the sprained ankle, and also preparing a cup of honey lemon tea and throat lozenges. Chenle can't help but to stare in awe at how effective his hyung is moving, he even claps a little to himself when Taeyong is finally done. The older is currently sitting on the floor, applying the ice to the swollen part of his ankle while looking at Chenle confusedly. He looks so cute that Chenle laughs anyway despite his voice being gone.

_You're amazing, hyung!_

_That's why the fans keep calling you an android ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ you moved so effectively I got scared for a moment._

_But you just look so cute right now, I can't help but laugh with my non existent voice._

_Thank you for saving me //(/^//^/)//_

Taeyong laughs so hard at Chenle's emoji, his dongsaeng is so cute, how is he even real?

"The ice will reduce the swell, you can't practice for the time being, don't walk, don't use your ankle, hopefully it can be used before you need to perform. I'm accompanying you to the event, so that you won't perform if I say no." Chenle pouts at that. "If you follow my order you'll perform, don't worry. Vocal rest for a week, honey lemon tea after you wake up and before you  go to sleep, come here if you need more throat lozenges, we have a lot." Taeyong finally ends his speech with a grin. "Eat your food before it gets cold, if Renjun or Jisung doesn't come for you, then you're free to stay here."

"Hyung? I thought you're practicing?" Winwin's voice can be heard coming from the entrance of the kitchen. "Oh? Chenle? Wait, what happened to you?!"

"I found him crying on the practice room, turned out he sprained his ankle." Taeyong smiles at a panic Winwin. "It's okay, it's just a mild sprain."

"Chenle! Be more careful next time!" Winwin's gaze softens when the younger pouts. "Your voice hasn't come back yet?" Chenle once again shake his head in negation. "You poor thing... I'll text Jisung that you're here, he's been panicking because he can't find you anywhere." The smile Chenle sends Winwin's way is very sweet, Taeyong believes that's why the older must have a soft spot for the blond boy. Jisung comes just in a few minutes after Winwin leaves the kitchen, he must have ran all the way from his dorm. Taeyong sends them on their way after a brief explanation on what to do with Chenle's ankle and throat.

**From: Chenlegend**

**To: Taeyongie Hyung**

_Hyung, thank you for finding me and taking care of me! ♡_

_**(Read 9.23 p.m.)** _

* * *

Taeyong finds Winwin in one of the practice room on an off Sunday morning, he must be thinking of practicing alone looking by the way he's meticulously stretching himself. Taeyong smiles as he knocks on the door, surprising the younger who is now looking at him with a sheepish smile.

"You're supposed to be resting." Sicheng shakes his head in negation.

"It's okay, I'm okay. I need to catch up on our choreography, I've been too busy with NCT China." Taeyong grins at the answer.

"Then let me practice with you. I still need to nail down some moves." Taeyong shrugs when the taller guy rolls his eyes.

"As if your moves haven't perfect enough, but okay, I can use some company, especially if it's you, hyung." From then on they spend the day running over every dance moves from their soon to be comeback routine. They repeat the hard ones over and over until they can feel the moves, until it feels like a muscle memory. And they go over the simpler ones until all of their muscle screams for mercy. The song has finally ended after being repeated for the nth times, Taeyong and Sicheng ungraciously plops down on floor, greedily gulping down both air and water, but they're satisfied. Big smiles are plastered on their face, and their eyes twinkling in joyful delight.

"How's the progress? I heard the big bosses are going to drop a new teaser today?" Taeyong asks, to which Sicheng sighs heavily.

"It's fun, but everything has been a little bit hard at the moment. Kun-ge was a little bit too stressed about the whole ordeal, which of course makes us all worry. Our focus was getting split into so many things at once, and I think Kun-ge will explode soon. Well, it's either that or Ten hyung who explodes first. He's been stretched a little too thin because of his own solo part and he still need to worry about Kun-ge on top of everything. Xuxi was very subdued these days, I think he doesn't want to add anything to the already heavy atmosphere. Renjun and Chenle were currently busy with the Dreamies too." Sicheng swears he doesn't mean to dump the whole truckload of problems into Taeyong's shoulder, but his hyung is just someone who makes him feel comfortable talking about his problems, has always been from the start even when the younger still can't speak Korean very well. Taeyong is silent for a few moments before smiling at the younger.

"I'll try to talk with Kun, maybe I can relieve his stress for a little bit, okay?"

"Thank you, hyung. You always do this kind of things, you know? Taking care of us, even though it's not your responsibilities to do so. Even with the people who aren't a part of 127." Sicheng smiles because Taeyong hyung is just so kind, sometimes he also stretched himself too thin to worry about everyone. "I've read the official document, you know? Your official job desk is to be NCT 127's leader only. And yet, you keep doing all of this. So, thank you. I really hope you know how much we appreciate your effort, and how much you have helped us over and over again." Taeyong's jaw is probably on the floor right now, and he also can feel the warmth creeping from his neck to his face and ears. To hear Sicheng, out of all people, talk like this to him is very overwhelming. He finally hides his face as he groans in embarrassment.

"Winwin-ah, that's too much praise!" even Taeyong can feel the grin sends his way even though he doesn't see it.

"I'm only stating facts, hyung." Sicheng shrugs.

"Well, you've gotten much more flexible, Winwin-ah... There, I'm paying you back with another fact." Taeyong praises because it's true, the way Sicheng moves now feels different. There's a graceful feeling in it even though the choreography is definitely sharp. The red hue that adores Sicheng's cheeks makes Taeyong happy. He was very proud with his flexibility, but it gets lost somewhere along the way because 127's dance moves can't cater to it. Forgotten, but never gone. Now it comes back ten folds.

"The China's dance moves are less sharp than 127's." he grins.

"You like it?"

"Very much." Sicheng gives his affirmation, and Taeyong grins widely. To see one of his member gets happy because he's very content with his new unit is an amazing feeling. "I miss it, though. Training with you guys almost 24/7, I miss it."

"We're still here. You're still an 127 member, Winwin-ah. Don't forget it." Taeyong smiles. "Can I see it? Your dance routine?"

"I still need a little bit of help on one of the moves, though, it's not perfect yet. Well the rest of the moves are perfect, but I cannot nail my own move."

"What is it? Maybe I can help?" Taeyong says as he stands up, ready for another round of learning new things. Sicheng gets up too, and starts instructing Taeyong on what to do.

"So the point is you have to be able to be my leverage. I'm going to step on your hand as you become a support for me to launch myself backward in a perfect circle." Taeyong's jaws almost drop for the second time with Sicheng's explanation, that is definitely not something easy.

"Okay, wait a minute. Let's not try that straight away. Let's break this down first, so you're gonna do an almost 360 degrees back flip, with me as your leverage? Sicheng what the fuck?"

"I know that's dangerous, that's why I haven't been able to do it, I haven't even tried doing it at all." Taeyong doesn't think he can get any more surprised, but apparently he's wrong.

"Okay, then the problem is not in practicing. Can you do that flip without a personified leverage?"

"Well, I can do it with the wall..." Taeyong raises his brow to dare the younger, and he does it. Sicheng actually shows him what he needs to do in the choreography. Perfectly.

"Okay, then we're going to need your partner to come here for this to work out. Who is it?"

After a long twenty minutes, finally a panting Xuxi comes into their practice room. His face was a mixture of emotions when Taeyong explains what's happening -surprised, confusion, a tinge of fear, but also excitement.

"Okay, Xuxi, I want you to be honest with me. Can you do it? Be Winwin's leverage?" Yukhei averts his eyes away from Taeyong searching gaze.

"Well, I can try."

"Yeah, no, this won't do." Taeyong finally says, steeling his will to help them until they nail this small routine. And so that afternoon becomes a relearning experience for both Lucas and Winwin on how fully capable their leader is. Endless shout of  _again! Again! AGAIN!_ can be heard from the outside. The sun is chilling up there in the blue sky, claiming its throne without being overshadowed by any clouds. The leader opens all of the curtains to let all the sunlight in, a nice warm company for his young students to relearn that partnered dancing is never only an individual experience. It's team work, a process where you fall together, sweats together, and finally rise together. A synchronization of movements, but also a synchronization of heart beats. You connect a part of your soul with your partner when you dance. Trust your partner with your entire being, while also trusting yourself. Another fall. Another FIGHTING HAEYADWAE. Another frustrated grunt. He repeats it again and again, letting them to experience it, over and over, until they're both know where they're wrong and why it will never work in the end.

"Come on, again! Xuxi, steel your knees! Winwin, let go!" Taeyong once again says, as Winwin once again falls on the mattress they had pulled to cushion their falls.

"Hyung, it hurts!" Winwin finally breaks under the tension. Taeyong looks at the both of their tired face, Xuxi's palms must be throbbing, while Winwin is probably in the verge of breaking down. That's when he knew they're not getting it at all. He walks with a purposeful stride towards Xuxi and looks at him straight in the eyes.

"Steel this knee." he instructs while patting Xuxi's bent knee. "Doesn't mean steeling it until it's too sturdy. You're gonna lose your balance and fall over, that's why Winwin can't flip in a good circle. Steeling this knee means you know what is coming, and then you have to steel this." Taeyong stabs a finger on Xuxi's chest, right where his heart stays.. "Believe in yourself, Lucas. You're as strong as that wall, believe that you won't fall over with Winwin's strength. And then believe him." Taeyong points at Winwin. "You're both in this together. Believe that he can do it, that he will be able to do it as long as you're as strong as that wall. Get it?" Taeyong smiles and pats his cheeks when Xuxi's big eyes sparkle with a new hope. The he turns around to face Sicheng.

"Winwin-ah, let go. Believe in Xuxi, he's as strong as that wall. Don't hold anything back, that's why you kept falling over instead of landing properly. You have to trust him and let go, do it with everything you got. Okay?" When Sicheng finally nods, Taeyong smiles and yells another  _again!_ The yells stop when the sunset has reached its peak, the orange and red hue fills the room from the window as if they're in a painting. The only thing people can hear coming out from Practice Room C are faint labored breathing and tired grunts. The room is filled with satisfactions and you can feel it from each of their smiles because finally the knee has been steeled and the trust has been given, the synchronization has succeeded. Sicheng can't hide the satisfactory grin on his face even though he doesn't feel like he can move any longer, and the occasional high giggle from Xuxi tells him that the younger is also feeling the same. Taeyong grins from his designated place on the small table, eyes sparkling and heart fluttering as the almost 360 degrees back flip has finally been executed.  _Perfect!_

* * *

**From: Big Boss**

**To: Kun**

_Kun!!_

**_(Read 11.32 a.m.)_ **

 

**From: Kun**

**To: Big Boss**

_Yes hyung?_

**_(Read 11.35 a.m.)_ **

 

**From: Big Boss**

**To: Kun**

_I saw the new NCT Life eps!!_

**_(Read 11.37 a.m.)_ **

 

**From: Kun**

**To: Big Boss**

_Uh okay?_

**_(Read 11.38 a.m.)_ **

 

**From: Big Boss**

**To: Kun**

_Don’t ever stressed about being a leader. You’re already better than me. ㅋㅋㅋ_

**_(Read 11.40 a.m.)_ **

 

**From: Kun**

**To: Big Boss**

_Wth? Hyung, literally no one can one-up you on being a leader??? ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ_

**_(Read 11.41 a.m.)_ **

 

**From: Big Boss**

**To: Kun**

_Trust me, you can. You made Lucas win the ice thingy. I can't wait to see NCT China thrives ;)_

**_(Read 11.42 a.m.)_ **

 

**From: Kun**

**To: Big Boss**

_…._

_This is so weird, you never text me beside for practice ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ but really thank you, please come to our practice sometimes Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ_

**_(Read 11.45 a.m.)_ **

 

**From: Big Boss**

**To: Kun**

_Really?!_

_Thank you!! I can’t wait to see all of you in action ㅋㅋㅋ_

**_(Read 11.47 a.m.)_ **

 

**From: Kun**

**To: Big Boss**

_Thank you, hyung, seriously._

_I’ll see you soon! ♡_

**_(Read 11.50 a.m.)_ **

 

"What is it?" Ten asks from his designated place in Kun's chest because Kun is currently in the verge of grinning and that's just weird.

"Taeyong hyung suddenly texted me?" Kun sounds so confused, his statement turns to a question, which perks Ten's curiosity. 

"What did he say? He rarely texted people."

"Well, he said he just watched the new episode of NCT Life, and then he told me that I'm already a better leader than him because I can control Lucas? Which is just odd because no one can be a better leader than him, that's just fact." Kun says in a very adorable way, which makes Ten laughs. Then the Thai guy takes his liberty to plop on Kun's lap, pluck the phone from his fingers, and tosses to the bed, making the slightly older guy look at him as Ten cups Kun's face in between his palms.

"Listen to me, Taeyong is always right when it comes to NCT, so if he said you're a better leader than him, then you are the better leader. And if he bothers to text you, then he knows you're so stressed over the matter. Baby, you are a good leader. I know that, Taeyong hyung knows that, hell even Xuxi knows that, so stopped stressing over the matter." Ten wipes away the furrow in between Kun's brows with his thumbs. "We believe in you, start believing in yourself. You're amazing." Ten kisses his boyfriend's forehead cheekily, before smiling radiantly because the looks in Kun's face is just so happy it makes himself happy.

"Thank you."

"Always."

* * *

_Tsk._

Another loud click of tongue was heard echoing around the living room, making Taeyong to once again look up from his notebooks and look at Doyoung. He needs to jot down some lyrics for next week deadline, the writer's block he has is currently not helping, especially when Doyoung disturb him every 2 minutes with that annoying sound. Taeyong puts the book loudly on the table before pointedly turning his body to looks at Doyoung.

"Okay, what is it?" Taeyong asks. Doyoung looks at Taeyong before pushing his phone screen to his face. Another new selcas from NNN were shown. " _Oh."_

"Yes. Oh. We need to do something." in the pictures were Johnny and Jaehyun once again smiling in the screen with some very prominent bags under their eyes. They must be having another season of trouble sleeping. Taeyong hates it. Doyoung hates it even more because Jaehyun always looks a lot more of a zombie than Johnny.

"Puppy piles?" Taeyong tries to suggest. The last time they did, it was a big success.

"Puppy piles." Doyoung agrees. They both march to Jaehyun's room, startling Donghyuck who was playing some games on his phone.

"Whoa, whoa, hold up, what's with this invasion?" Hyuck asks jokingly.

"Hyuck, can you perhaps lend us this room, and be Mark's roommate for awhile?" Taeyong pleads, which is only answered with Donghyuck's judging eyes.

"Oh, you're not kidding. I really am being invaded."

"No, we're not."

"Uh, I mean if Mark's okay with that, then why not?" Taeyong grins before quickly moving Hyuck's bed to the center of the room, Doyoung is doing the same with Jaehyun's bed, meeting Taeyong in the middle so that they're beds are conjoined now. "Oh my God, why are you conjoining the bed?" Hyuck says before gasping. "OH MY GOD, YOU KINKY BASTARDS! Please don't tell me you're gonna have a foursome on MY BED!' Hyuck shriek is loud enough to be heard throughout the dorm, which makes Taeyong looks at him in aghast.

"DONGHYUCK?! Who the fuck taught you something like that?!"

"I'm 18 hyung!" Donghyuck whines before getting out of the room. "I swear to God, I'm gonna relocate to one of your room if you're actually doing the deed in there." Doyoung is probably gonna die from laughing too hard while Taeyong chases the teenager to beat his ass.

"Yah! You brat, stop being on the internet! You're 5!" Hyuck just sticks his tongue out at his hyung before laughing once he's safe inside Mark's room.

Jaehyun just finally finished with his radio schedule, stifling another big yawn as he lazily follows Johnny hyung to their designated car. He was so tired, but even then he knows he wasn't going to get another wink of sleep today. It has been hard to have any sleep these past few weeks. Jaehyun doesn't know why because the only think he actually crave is for his brain to shut down once his head touches his pillow. When he looks at Johnny hyung, he knows he's not the only one who has been having trouble sleeping, the bags under those big eyes are very prominent the older almost looks like a zombie. It doesn't improve his mood at all though, he knows that if Johnny hyung looks like a zombie these days, then he'll end up looking like death is looming over his head. He hears the older sighs heavily beside him.

"I'm still not over the fact that whenever you're having trouble sleeping, I'm also having one, Jung Jaehyun. Stop being my soulmate, I need to sleep!" Johnny suddenly says out of nowhere, making Jaehyun laughs because 1) he's embarrassing, and 2) it's true no matter how weird it sounds.

"Perhaps it's you who rope me along your sleepless night, hyung. You can't blame me, soulmate works both ways." Jaehyun plays along. Johnny sighs at that.

"Taeyong and Doyoung are going to beat our ass for not resting properly." Jaehyun rolls his eyes, as if he doesn't know that. Seriously, he is ready to kiss anyone's feet as long as he can get a good night sleep tonight. He is sure he'll drop dead in the near future if this continue.

"I'll probably drop dead first before any beating can be made, maybe that way we'll get coddled instead of beaten."

That night Jaehyun is very much surprised when he gets inside his room only to find it absolutely rearranged. The beds are made and joined, there's a tinge of lavender on the air, and for once his room is actually warm. He can barely remembers the last time he found his bedroom like, and that makes him smile. Doie and Taeyong hyung must have done this again. Jaehyun can't express how grateful he is to have such caring people in his life. He gets inside Johnny's room, dragging his sleepy hyung to sleep at his room before calling out to Doyoung and Taeyong hyung, who come out of the kitchen with four mugs, each belongs as each person's favorite. Doyoung smiles and hands Jaehyun his favorite blue mug, decorated with a simple red heart balloon being flown by the wind. A valentine gift from Doyoung. He can't mask his happiness when he sips the white liquid inside -warm milk with a little bit of honey and cinnamon, his favorite.

"To help you sleep better." Doyoung whispers before leaving a sweet peck on his cheek.

"Thank you." has he said that he's happy? No? Okay. He's happy. God, he's so happy. Doyoung is rarely being like this, so he cherished every time the older showed his concern over the younger and went out of his way to make him felt cared for, felt so much loved, more than the usual. When he finally finishes cleaning and ready to head to bed, his footsteps are tinged heavily with sleepiness because of his warm tummy and warm heart. He plops straight into Doyoung's embrace, snuggling inside his chest. He needs this, and he knows Johnny hyung also needs it, that's why Taeyong hyung must have come up with this idea. Once again never failing to take care of his members' well being. Johnny is currently cuddled inside Taeyong's embrace, whispering sweet nothings to each other, as if the rest of the world doesn't matter. But Jaehyun knows it's not true, even trapped in their own sweet world, Taeyong never forgets about the rest of them as one of his hand ruffles Jaehyun's hair sweetly. With that, Jaehyun smiles and lets himself drift to one of the best sleep he has gotten in the last few months.

* * *

There will always be three people who won't lock their doors whenever NCT 2018 is on a trip together -Taeyong, Doyoung, and Donghyuck. Donghyuck has never locked his door because he literally brought all the food and snack, his room is literally their mini cafeteria. Doyoung, on the other hand, has never locked his door because he's the storage room -keys, phones, mini fan, power banks are usually being shoved into his hands because he's the only one who won't ever forget about them. Taeyong doesn't really has a reason to leave his door open beside that he's the leader, so they can freely talk to him when they need him. Hence, the sufferings are felt by the random roommate they share for the time being, this time being Taeil, Yuta, and Ten. The three days they had spent in Osaka flew by so fast, no one can believe that it's their last night in this beautiful city. The adrenaline in Taeyong's veins still rushing so fast, buzzing through his body as if he just get off the stage a few minutes ago, instead of two hours ago. Even after years of performing, he still can't get used to the after-buzz of being on stage. Taeil hyung seems already dead for the night, bundled in between thick duvets as Taeyong tries to drain himself by playing some games. The atmosphere has finally calm down as the show has officially done, and the performers have done catching up with each other -well, that is until someone barges into his room as if being chased by ghost.

Taeyong's eyes widen as big as a saucer when some small figure just zooms inside his room and hides under his bed. He blinks blankly at the ceiling because _what the fuck?_ Taeil hyung sits up on his bed in surprised, eyes narrowing to every part of the room until it lands on Taeyong who is also very confused at the moment.

"What the hell is that? Did someone actually just barges in and hide under your bed?"

"It seems like it." Taeil rolls his eyes at Taeyong.

"That's why I told you to lock the door after midnight, you dumbass." Taeyong pouts.

"Hyung... That's mean! Just go back to sleep, I'll handle it."

"You sure?" Taeyong nods at the question and waits for Taeil hyung to finally go back to sleep before checking on the intruder's hiding place. Taeyong gets even more surprised when it's Renjun out of all people.

"Renjun?!" Taeyong whisper yells because he can't afford to disturb Taeil hyung's sleep again. "What are you even doing? Oh my God?" Taeyong can't help but to laughs because honestly all of this is just a little bit too absurd for his brain to comprehend. Taeyong lends his hand to help Renjun getting out of the small place, and makes the small guy to sit on his bed. "Okay, what happened? Why are you hiding?"

"I'm hiding from Yukhei." Taeyong can't help but to get curious, it was such pure luck when Xuxi picked Renjun's earpiece a few days ago, hence making the younger guy his roommate for the next three days. He looked so embarrassed that day, Taeyong can't help but to talk about it with Taeil hyung all night.

"And why exactly are you hiding from Yukhei?"

"Hyung..." Renjun whines. Yes, Taeyong doesn't have any hearing problem. Renjun actually whines. "He confessed."

"He what?"

"He confessed." Taeyong is completely baffled now. Then what is this kid doing in his room if the person who likes him confessed? It's not like Xuxi's adoration to Renjun is a secret or something, literally everyone knows it, including themselves. Again, Renjun is a very perceptive person.

"And did you say no? Is that why you're hiding?" Taeyong tries again.

"No, I haven't answered."

"You what?! Then what are you doing in here? The poor guy is probably very confused right now! Or hurt, I would be hurt for sure if my crush runs away the moment I confessed."

"Do I really need to answer it?" Renjun has the audacity to actually ask. Taeyong soul is probably flying around Osaka right now as the question leaves the younger's mouth. Did the boy eats something weird at dinner?

"Renjun, that's basic manner. Why are you-" Taeyong almost explodes in confusion when the absurdity of it all hits him. "Oh my God... Renjun, don't tell me, this is you... channeling your inner gay panic? Huh, I never thought I'd see the day." Taeyong can't help but to laugh loudly before gripping Renjun's shoulder, making the smaller boy look at him straight in the eyes. "Renjun, do you like Yukhei?"

"Of course..."

"Then why are you here?" Renjun eyes shift to the floor.

"I... I don't know..." Renjun says after a long contemplation, which makes Taeyong laughs even harder. "But hyung, it's Lucas... He's dumb, and infuriating, and he's so big, he looks like a big dumb puppy all the time, and he's embarrassing, and loud. God, he's so loud?! But, he's also kind -too kind, and definitely smart, and hardworking, and just, I don't know, Lucas."

"Renjun, I'm lost. What exactly do you want to say?"

"It's just, he's Yukhei, and everything about Yukhei is never small. He's like a strong storm that will knock me down if I stand in his way. What if I'm not strong enough to hold on?" Taeyong moves his hand under the younger's chin and gently tilt it up so that they're looking at each other.

"Huang Renjun, you might look small, but I can assure that there's nothing small about you, especially in here." Taeyong points at Renjun's heart. "And in here." he says, taping Renjun's forehead lightly. "You're just another force to be reckon with. You'll hold on."

"How do you know?"

"You have put up with Hyuck all this time, haven't you?" Taeyong shrugs. "That kid is the literal embodiment of the sun, so if you can put up with him, trust me when I say that Xuxi is an easy task." Renjun looks at Taeyong's eyes for a moment, searching for something, anything that might give him away. There's nothing. Taeyong hyung is not lying.

"Okay... Okay, I'll try to hold on."

"Then, you need to go back to your room and tell him. Go get your man." Taeyong smiles.

"I really should?" Renjun's eyes plead with Taeyong.

"Yes, you really should."

"Okay." Renjun nods. "Okay, I'll say yes." he says with so much convictions, but he doesn't move from his place even by an inch. Taeyong once again laughs before turning the petite body and pushes Renjun out of their room.

"Don't forget to say yes." Taeyong grins as he half shout to the corridor, satisfied and proud when Renjun finally gets inside his room. Never in his lifetime, he'd imagine to witness a gay panic Renjun. Not even a minute after Taeyong finally locks his door for the first time ever, a loud happy yell echoes throughout their corridor. Perhaps a congratulation is in order tomorrow.

* * *

Never in the 18 years of his entire existence would he imagine to go grocery shopping with Taeyong hyung. It's weird because it feels like he's going to the supermarket with his mom, but don't get him wrong. He completely enjoys it, it's just weird. He never knew that his so called scary leader can exudes so much cuteness while he's grocery shopping. The older is currently confused whether to buy the yellow paprika or the red ones, and Jeno can't help but to smile all the time because the 23 years old man is literally pouting in the middle of the vegetables aisle, as if his life will end if he chooses the wrong paprika.

"Jeno, choose! Right or left?" Taeyong hyung suddenly calls him as he hides the paprika behind his back, making Jeno chuckles.

"Right." Taeyong lifts his right hand to produce a red paprika and smiles.

"Nice choice." he says genuinely, while Jeno just can't stop giggling, he's almost worried for his own sanity. Perhaps helping his leader in grocery shopping is not a good idea. "Oh! Jeno, it's Nana's birthday, right?"

"Yes, hyung."

"You guys have prepared a cake already?"

"Nope." Jeno shakes his head in negation. "Nana rarely eats cake, so we don't plan on buying him one." Once again Taeyong pouts.

"But what's a birthday without a cake?" Taeyong hyung says and he's suddenly in deep thought. Jeno knows what will come next before his hyung even opens his mouth. The way the older smiles tells it all. He knows and still he can't protect himself. "Jeno..." Taeyong grins. "Would you please, pretty please let me bake Nana a cake? Please..." Here's the thing, everyone knows that he's not a weakling for something cute. For God's sake, he's not Johnny hyung, but maybe there's a reason why the 186 cm guy always follows Taeyong hyung like a lovesick puppy all the time. Jeno doesn't remember waking up today and ask to be attacked by Taeyong's aegyo because that god damn thing is deadly, but here they are anyway, standing in the entrance of the baking aisle with Taeyong hyung using his cute voice and big puppy eyes to lure Jeno in. Don't blame him for saying yes because Jeno is just a mere mortal anyway. The way his leader's eyes sparkle when he finally gives in makes him thinks that maybe it's worth it to be attacked like that.

And so here they are, at three p.m., standing in the middle of 127 dorm's kitchen after a long grocery shopping. Jeno helps the older to arrange the grocery in the right place as Taeyong is busy preparing the ingredients for the cake. He can feel the excitement exuding from the 23 years old as he measures the flour carefully, which makes him laughs. Taeyong hyung looks like a child right now.

"Hyung, why are you so happy?" Jeno smiles.

"I haven't baked anything for so long, Jeno, I miss it so much." Jeno smiles at the answer because at the end of the day all he can hope for his hyung is that he's gonna be happy with whatever he's doing.

"So what are you making?"

"Well, because you said he rarely eats cake then I'm making cupcakes. That way he won't have to eat like an entire cake." Taeyong smiles when he sees the concern in Jeno's eyes. "Don't worry, it's going to be dairy free. And we'll make enough for all of you Dreamies to eat." Jeno's eyes widen at that.

"Wait... _WE?!_ Hyung, I can barely cook, I'm gonna mess things up." Taeyong just grins.

"Nah, you have me. You know what let's make it enough for the 18 of us, I'm sure they all would want some."

Jeno ends up slaving away his afternoon inside 127 dorm's kitchen, making 3 and a half dozens of red velvet cake. Providing food for 18 people is not an easy job at all, hopefully 42 cupcakes are enough because god damn it they're all gonna catch some diabetes if Taeyong hyung decides to make more. Jaehyun hyung came when they're halfway through, and decided to help while Donghyuck dragged Mark to the Dream dorm so that he can cook for them all since another impromptu gathering day will be held to celebrate Jaemin's birthday. They finish icing and decorating all of it at the same time Hyuck and Mark come back with dinner -a few simple dish which are Nana's favorites. Jeno feels oddly proud with the result of his baking session. Taeyong hyung once again has taught him something new. Sometimes he can't help but to question whether there's something the Lee Taeyong can't do because even after knowing the guy for years, Jeno just keeps receiving lesson after lesson from the older -both as a performer and as a person. And he's grateful. Maybe one day, he can have something that he can teach his hyung about, but for right now he's content with learning every thing he can get, even if that means slaving away baking cupcakes in the kitchen.

That night is one of the rare occasions where the gathering day is filled with rambunctious teenagers running around and pulling pranks on each other, loud yells and shouted laughs are fueled with good food and good companies. Maybe it's because they're once again celebrating Nana's birthday, maybe it's just simply a revenge because Nana's birthday last year was just so gloomy and they want to make this one worth remembering, or maybe they're just simply high with their sugar intake, but whatever it is, it makes the night alive, and once again Jeno is reminded why he's proud to be in this big group with 17 other people in it. They will always have a special place in his heart, maybe not equally as big -of course Jaemin holds the biggest place, but the Dreamies, Doyoung and Taeyong hyung are tight on second place- but he still loves them with all his heart. Taeyong hyung catches his eyes from the other side of the room and smiles at him widely. Jeno can read what his leader means with his eyes.

_Thank you. Today was so fun._

Jeno smiles back and nods because today has been fun indeed, before refocusing back to the beautiful boy sitting on his lap.

"Happy birthday." Jeno grins as the boy feeds him the sweet red cupcake with white icing. The smile he receives perhaps has swelled his heart ten folds in size. _God, he loves this boy._

* * *

It was past midnight and Taeyong was once again slaving in the kitchen because Johnny had conveniently skipped dinner as he forgot to turn on his alarm while napping, and ended up being a little late to go to the NNN open studio event today. Taeyong was out with his mom the entire day, that's why no one has woken him up. So when he got back to the dorm, all ready to sleep beside his cuddly boyfriend, his stomach had conveniently grumbled loudly out of nowhere, announcing how apparently Johnny hadn't eaten anything since lunch. Taeyong being Taeyong, scolded him straight away while dragging him to the dark kitchen, ready to whip up whatever he finds in the fridge into a decent meal. Johnny knows it's gonna be amazing anyway, who are we kidding, it's his Taeyong we're talking about. His Taeyong doesn't accept less than amazing as his cooking result. Johnny is busily admiring the amazing man in front of him while he listens to his antics the entire day with his mother. He smiles as he remembers how kind Mrs. Lee had been to all of them every time she managed to visit. He misses Mrs. Lee.

Johnny's stupor is being shaken as he hears a hiss coming from Taeyong. His eyes widen and his legs move on they're own accords to get closer to the smaller guy. Apparently he nicked his finger with a knife, it's a small cut but it keeps oozing blood. The worry in his chest lessen when he realizes that it's just a small cut. He pouts and flicks Taeyong's forehead in retaliation for making him worried so much for a second.

"That's for not being careful." Taeyong just pouts as Johnny puts his bleeding finger under running water in the sink.

"Sorry..." Johnny just smiles and kisses Taeyong's temple.

"Wait here." he says before leaving to his room, opening the drawer where he keeps his band-aid collection. Don't blame him, it's just a hobby he hasn't grown out from, and it's functional. Who can predict when they will need a band-aid, right. After rummaging through the box for a few minutes, he finally gets what he's searching for. Running back to Taeyong, he grins when the younger rises his brow confusedly. Johnny dries Taeyong's hand before finally putting on the band-aid, his heart flutters rapidly because he can pin point the exact second the realization hits Taeyong's eyes.

"Youngho..." Johnny smiles sweetly at his lover.

"Brings back some memories, doesn't it?" Taeyong lets out a breathless chuckles as he stares at the Batman printed band-aid, wrapped neatly around his small wound. The memories of late night fighting, a sharp punch to the wall, and cuts upon knuckles are coming back to him. But it's not all bad because the recollections of soft murmured apologies and promises to become a better person in the future also attack him. Tears suddenly sprung up to his eyes as he keeps staring at his finger. Maybe it's because they have been leaning on each other for so long, maybe it's just because Youngho has been his boyfriend for so long, or maybe it's not only Taeyong who has superpowers because he swears to God Youngho knows everything about Taeyong and what he needs in an instant, but as always Youngho knows what to do, and so he pulls the younger inside his embrace. Taeyong can't help but to hide his face in the taller's chest.

"Youngho, do you think I did it?" Taeyong hates how his voice wobbles a little, but thinking about all of this makes him an emotional mess, because, _God_ , he has tried so hard all of these years to own up to his promises. He has tried his hardest to become a better person, to become a good leader, but still he doesn't know whether his hardest is enough. And sometimes it was just so hard to pull through, but he did again and again. And now that he's finally here, three years later, he just wants to know whether he has at least make any progress in achieving that promise, whether all of his hard work has managed to pull through. The way Youngho tightens the hug on his smaller figure just makes Taeyong wants to fall apart. Maybe it will be his last straw if Youngho says that he's failed.

"You did, _God,_ Taeyong, of course you've done it. We acknowledge all of your hard works, and we appreciate it, so much. You've bloomed right in front of my eyes, you've become a much better person, probably the best I've ever met in my life. And you've manged to become the greatest leader, well not exactly, but no one is more fit to be our leader if it's not you. And I am so  _so proud_ of you. I might sound biased, but it's the truth. You did it, Lee Taeyong, you've fulfilled your promise and more. I wish you know that before. I wish you know that we're so proud of you. And I wish you have been proud of yourself." Johnny releases his embrace only to cups Taeyong's face, gently forcing him to look at the much taller guy. He gently wipes away all the tears that escape the gentle eyes, and then he smiles, sweetly, lovingly, _proudly_. "But it's okay, because you know now that we're proud of you, and you can be proud of yourself starting from today. I love you... so much." Taeyong whines because he's ugly when he's crying and he also loves his Youngho so much he feels like his heart is going to burst out of his chest.

"I love you too. Thank you, I might not be here if it wasn't for you. Probably would have ran away or something. I love you too, Seo Youngho, so freaking much." Taeyong leans in to kiss his boyfriend sweetly because it's true, no matter how strong and persistent he is, no matter how many times he has told the other member to never quit, to always work their hardest and show the world how capable they are of being an idol, he would not be here right now if it's not because of Youngho. After all he has established how much of a coward he is, but at least now he has something else he can put into the list to describe himself, something different then a coward, or a fool, or a fraud, something that he can be proud of -a leader who might had been chosen by his visual but has proven to be a fully capable one, a talented idol, a good friend who cares for everyone around him, a loving boyfriend. The list will get longer as long as he keep walking forward, and he hopes it will keep being filled with the things that can make him smile, but for now? For now, it's enough.

The night was spent with Johnny's favorite midnight food, Batman printed band-aid upon a wounded finger, gentle kisses shared between two lovers, and once again another soft promises to take care of each other and keep becoming a better person. And just like every other day, Lee Taeyong thanks whoever responsible for bringing Seo Youngho into his life, for making him the happiest person he can be.

**Author's Note:**

> If you've reached this part, then congratulations! Thank you for giving this a chance :( I'm just really into the idea of Taeyong loving each and every member, but they also love him in return. I want to thank @80hg for being so patient every time i said i'm gonna work on this but never finished it for a month :( It took me so long to write because I honestly can't find any creative ideas for each members, I stuck for so long on Jisung's part, and then I just keep procrastinating on Jungwoo's part until AO3 self deleting draft deadline comes lmao...
> 
> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/sf_heart_fs) and [cc](https://curiouscat.me/sf_heart_fs)


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